Author: admin

Firemen

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The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Brown has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino.

After a few minutes search, the chief looks down an alley, and there’s Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Brown says, “What the hell is going on?”

Olson replies, “Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation.”

The chief says, “Smoke inhalation? You’re supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!”

Olson says, “I did, Chief, but then one thing led to another…”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Superman and Wonderwoman

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Superman and one of his superhero friends are flying around
Metropolis one day, looking for trouble like they usually do.
Seeing no crime, Superman makes the suggestion that the two fly
down to the beach to see what is going on. His friend, being
bored, happily agrees.

As the two fly along the beach, they spot Wonder Woman, “spread
eagle” on the beach. Superman’s friend is simply amazed by what
he is seeing. Superman, seeing his friend’s astonishment and
looking to impress him even further, proclaims, “I’ll bet you
$10 that I can fly down there, screw her and fly back before she
even realizes that I’m doing it.” His friend, eyes still fixed
on the naked beauty, looks at Superman and just starts laughing.
“I’d like to see that…you’re on.”

So Superman flies down, bam-bam-bam, flies back and says, “See,
I told you I could.” His friend, obviously impressed, forks over
the $10. Just then, Wonder Woman says, “What the hell was that?”
And the invisible man replies back, “I don’t know, but my ass
sure does hurt.”

Sentado en una nube se

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Sentado en una nube se encontraba un angelito maric�n tocando su arpa y cantando boleros.

“No se t�, pero yo no dejo de pensar…”

Las estrellitas del cielo ya estaban hasta la madre, pues el angelito cantaba refeo, y una de ella decide hacerlo callar.

La estrella agarra vuelo y �cuaz! se le mete por una oreja al angelito. Este empieza a sacudir la cabeza, diciendo: “�Ayy, zonza, d�jame, fuchi, ayyy!” y logra sacarse la estrellita, la cual se retira de volada.

Vuelve a cantar el angelito maric�n: “La puerta se cerr� de tras de t�…”, y la estrellita toma vuelo y se le mete ahora por la boca. El angelito la escupe y le empieza a pegar con el arpa.

La estrella, para esconderse, se le mete por la cola al angelito, y �ste nada m�s deja escapar un gemido, “Hhhmmmmmmm…” El Angelito, se sienta de nuevo en su nubecita, y empieza a cantar: “�Que se quede el infinito sin estrellas…!”

Women Shorts

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Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

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Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?

Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

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Why are hangovers better than women?

Hangovers will go away.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men ?

So they can stand closer to the sink

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How do you know when a women’s about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me….”

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How do you fix a woman’s watch?

You don’t…there’s a clock on the oven!

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I date this girl for two years — and then the nagging starts: “I wanna know your name…”

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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!

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One golfer tells another: “Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!”

The other replies: “GREAT trade!”

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What are two reasons why women don’t mind their own business?

1.No mind.

2.No business.

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The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” and I said, “Dust!”

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Why do women like intelligent men?

Opposites attract.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women’s sex drive by 90 percent….

Wedding cake!!!

Porn Star Names

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It has been said that the way you make up your name for when you become a porn star is to take the name of your first pet plus the first street you lived on. A random sampling of “normal” people gives the following “porn star” names:Kitty RollingwoodHammie LincolnPeanuts SeventhTux BouldierBirdie WillowVelvet FirstSmokie Briar RosePandora Sarvis BerryTry it!

Accountant Math!

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An accountant decided to leave his wife one day.

He left her a note saying:

“Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So I’m leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. We’ll be staying at the Sheraton.”

He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read:

“Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And I’m sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!”