yo mamma is so hairy she tried out for Chubaca and she got the part.
Author: admin
Making brownies
There was a mommy and a daddy and they went downstairs to have sex. Their son came down and aksed what they were doing, they said they were making brownies. So the next moring their son goes up to them and says,”Mommy, I no what you were really doing last night.” Oh,ya, What. Making brownies, I liked the frosting off the couch.
Teddy Bears
A man walked into a bar with a teddy in his hand
When the punters asked why he ahd a teddy he replied
Bear with me
Sherry or Port
A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to get her into bed; he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass of wine.
He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, “Oh, Sherry by all means. To me it’s the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I’m lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I’m about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I’m transported into another world. On the other hand, Port makes me fart.”
You might be a college student if . . .
23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
Celebrating
A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquired.
“I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,” responded the young man.
“6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?”
“Yeah, my first blowjob,” the man answered.
“Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.”
“No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.”
Honest Abe
QUOTE:”I freed who?!!”
Abe Lincoln waking up with a hangover.
Big pimpin’
What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush?
A pimp with a speech impediment.
Bastard
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them.
He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one.
They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him.
When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in backwards… his where hers belonged and vice versa.
They rushed back to the clerk’s office, caught him again, and got another license.
This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk…
After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.
The judge says, “I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards.”
The groom says, “That’s funny, that’s just what the clerk called you.”
The eyes have it
A man who lived in a block of flats thought it was raining and put his hand out of the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a woman looking down, screaming.’Is this yours?’ he shouted up.She said, ‘Yes, that’s my eye! I’m so sorry! Could you please bring it up?’ The man agreed and went up.On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, ‘I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty; would you like to join me?’He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the girl said, ‘I have had a marvelous evening, would you like to stay the night?’The man hesitated then said, ‘Do you act like this with every man you meet?”No,’ she replied, ‘Only those who catch my eye!’
osama binladen
Letter to Taliban;
Surrender Osama Bin Laden or we we’ll send your women to
college
The United States
What’s for Dinner?
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.
The chief comes to them and says, “the bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”
The Frenchman says, “I take ze sword.”
The chief gives him a sword, he says, “Vive la France!” and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, “a pistol for me, please.”
The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says,
“God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, “gimme a fork.”
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There’s blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible.
The chief is appalled, even for a cannibal.
He asks, “My God almighty, what are you doing?”
And the New Yorker replies, “So much for your canoe!”