How Taxes Work…

This is a VERY simple way to understand the tax laws. Read on — it does make you think!!

Let’s put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men — the poorest — would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1, the sixth would pay $3, the seventh $7, the eighth $12, the ninth $18, and the tenth man — the richest — would pay $59.

That’s what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement — until one day, the owner threw them a curve (in tax language a tax cut).

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” So now dinner for the ten only cost $80.00.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six — the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his “fair share?”

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, Then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being PAID to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of his earlier $59. Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man who pointed to the tenth. “But he got $7!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man, “I only saved a dollar, too… It’s unfair that he got seven times more than me!”.

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man, “why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered, a little late what was very important. They were FIFTY-TWO DOLLARS short of paying the bill! Imagine that!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college instructors, is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table any more.

Where would that leave the rest? Unfortunately, most taxing authorities anywhere cannot seem to grasp this rather straightforward logic!

Can you relate to this!

Can any of you relate to these “addiction” quips? I sure can 🙂

The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your little sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.

The remote to the T.V. is missing…and you don’t even care.
You begin to wonder how your ISP can call 400 hours per month “unlimited!”
You ask a plumber if he could replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
The last girl you picked up was a 800×66 jpeg.
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP …because you never log off!
Your wife makes a new rule: “The computer cannot come to bed with us.”

You tell the kids they can’t use the computer because “Daddy’s got work to do” and you don’t even have a job.

You scan restroom stall for hot HTML addresses.

You have comandeered your teenager’s phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

You check your email. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again…and again…and again…

You suddenly realize there is not a sound in the house, and you have no clue where your children are.

Your dog has its own home page.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.

You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You’re surprised to learn there’s also a 2 o’clock in the “afternoon”.
You unsuccessfully try to download pizza from www.dominos.com.
Your mouse-clicking forearm rivals Popeye’s.
Batteries in the TV remote now last for years.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

50th Anniversary

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, “Honey, Do you remember this?”
He looks up at her and says, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”

She says, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nods and says, “Yes dear, I still remember.”

“Well, what was it?” she asks.

He responds, “Well honey, as I remember, I said, ‘Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out!'”

She giggles and says, “Yes honey, that’s it. That’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”

Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and replies, “Mission Accomplished.”

Test

This is the Official Moron Test. It’s based upon typical graduation requirements at Harvard.

Try to finish within 5 minutes. When you are done, count the number correct and see how you compare to others. OK, here we go…

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?

4. How many outs are there in an inning?

5. Can a man in California marry his widow’s sister?

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses bring with him on the ark?

11. A butcher in the market is 5’10” tall. What does he weigh?

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. What was the President’s name in 1960?

NO CHEATING ***
So how do you think you did? (Scroll down for answers.)

TEST ANSWERS:
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No? Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.

2. How many birthdays does the average man have? One (1). You can only be born once.

3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.

4. How many outs are there in an inning? Six (6). Don’t forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.

5. Can a man in California marry his widow’s sister? No. He must be dead if it is his widow.

6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get? Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.

7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you
left with? Two (2). You take two apples … therefore YOU have TWO apples.

8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an
hour. How long will the pills last?
One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30, and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has
passed.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses have on the ark? None. I didn’t know that Moses had an ark.

11. A butcher in the market is 5′ 10 tall. What does he weigh?
Meat … that is self-explanatory.

12. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE … it’s a dozen.

13. What was the President’s name in 1960? George Bush. As far as I know, he hasn’t changed his name.

So, how did you do?
13 correct………GENIUS…you are good.
10-12 correct….ABOVE AVERAGE…but don’t let it go to your head.
7-9 correct……..AVERAGE…but who wants to be average?
4-6 correct……..SLOW…pay attention to the questions!
1-3 correct………IDIOT…what else can be said?
0 correct…………CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Not the best day.

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.

Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.

A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.
Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, “You know, you’ve been lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax…
Why don’t you go home and take a long hot bath?”

Jewish anthropologist

A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when he happened upon an odd looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes. Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives. All wishes were granted, but on one condition. Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a haircut or shave. To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned. All went well during the first few years of his lavish lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more and more of a problem. One day, during a moment of weakness and desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some scissors and began cutting off his beard. Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand. The moral of this story? “A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.”

The end of the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians. They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realize they were surrounded. The Indians had spread out and they were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says, ‘Tonto, my friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but now I think we are doomed.’ ‘We?’ replied Tonto. ‘What’s all this ‘we’ crap, Paleface?’