Author: admin

1.- La gente que, cuando me pregunta la hora, se�ala su mu�eca.

�Carajo, yo ya s� donde tengo mi reloj! �Qu� t� no? �Qu� acaso cuando preguntan por el ba�o tambi�n se agarran su cosa?

2.- Me choca la gente que est� dispuesta a recorrer toda la casa y revisar cada uno de los rincones del cuarto para buscar el control remoto, porque “le da flojera pararse a cambiarle manualmente”.

3.-Cuando la gente te dice: “Las cosas siempre est�n en el �ltimo lugar en el que buscas”.

�Claro! S� no, �para qu� carajos hubieras seguido buscando si ya lo encontraste? �A poco hay gente que de veras lo hace?

4.-Cuando te dicen en el cine: “�Viste eso?”

�No, idiota, pagu� $40.00 para venir al cine y quedarme viendo al techo!

5.-La gente que te pregunta: “�Te puedo preguntar algo?”

Como que no te dan mucha alternativa �no?

6.-Cuando algo es “nuevo y mejorado”.

�Qu� fregados es? Si es nuevo es que no exist�a antes y si es mejorado… �No puede ser el primero de su especie!

7.-Cuando un polic�a te detiene y te pregunta: “�a qu� velocidad iba, joven?”

Carajo, t� deber�as de saber. T� me paraste �no?

8.- Preguntas est�pidas como:

Me robaron.
�QUI�N?

Se me perdi� mi cartera.
�D�NDE?

�TE CORTASTE EL PELO?
No, g�ey, me cay� �cido en la cabeza o no, est�pido, se me encogi� la cabeza

�EST�S EMBARAZADA?
No, me puse esta bata para ver si me quedaba bien.

�YA LLEGASTE?
No, est�s viendo un holograma.

Cuando en lugares como el estadio de futbol, el cine, o inclusive un restaurante o una biblioteca, te preguntan:

�QU� HACES AQU�?
Nada, vine a barrer… a saludar a los meseros y ya me voy.

Martha and Harry went to the fair every year.
And every year Harry said to martha.. I want a ride in the
airplane… wouldn’t it be so much fun up there in the sky so
high!
And every year Martha would reply.. No Harry..it costs ten
dollars and ten dollars is ten dollars..
This conversation kept on happenning but one year Harry said to
Martha.. “I am 71 years old.. this may be my last chance to ride
in an airplane..” So martha agreed and the airplane pilot made
them a deal.. If you dont talk AT ALL throughout the trip well
it wont cost you anything.. but if you talk AT ALL during the
trip it will cost you Ten dollars..
So the plane flight came to an end after ten minutes of twists
and turns in the air and dives over the sea…
When the plane landed the pilot said You done very well not to
talk throughout the whole plane trip and Harry replied.. Well i
found it very hard not to talk when martha fell out of the plane!

Two bees buzz around what’s left of a rose bush.

“How was your summer?” asks bee number one.

“Not too good,” sez bee two.

“Lotta rain, lotta cold. Not enough flowers, not enough pollen.”

The first bee has an idea. “Hey, why don’t you go down the corner and hang a left? There’s a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit.”

Bee two buzzes, “Thanks!” and takes off.

An hour later, the bees bump into each other again. “How was the bar mitzvah?” asks the info-bee.

“Great!” sez buddy-bee. The first bee peers at his pal and wonders,

“What’s that on your head?”

“A yarmulke,” is the answer. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint
of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and
land in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away
and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a
long swallow. The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his
fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!”

A devout Catholic woman was running late to Church, slipped and fell, skinning her elbows and knees, and splitting her skirt.

Dazed and confused, she glanced up a saw a man staring at her from the Church steps.

“Are you OK ?” he asked.

“Yes, but is Mass out ?” she asked.

“No ma’am,” he replied, “but your hat is on crooked.”