Author: admin

Stress relief

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One day at the office, Joe was sitting at his desk working. His co-worker Frank walks in and notices that Joe is not feeling well.

“What’s wrong Joe”, asks Frank.

“I’m all stressed out, my head is killing me.”

“You want to know what I do when I need relief from stress?”, suggests Frank. “I go home, tell my wife to lie on the bed, then I rest my head on her chest. Give it try, it works great!”

Joe then takes a break. An hour later he returns to work totally refreshed with a smile on his face.

“You look alot better, did you try what I told you?”, asked Frank.

“I sure did, thanks!”, responded Joe. “By the way, you have a nice apartment.”

Titanium Legs

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There was an old lady with titanium legs walking down the beach
on her 100th birthday. She walked by a surfer guy and said “
I’ve never been fucked in my entire life, will you fuck me?” the
guy says sure, and then he rips her arms and legs off and throws
her into the ocean andsays ” now your fucked bitch!”

One Footed Hubby

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On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom’s left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride called her mother from the hospital.

“Mother”, she sobbed, “My husband has only one foot.”

The mother, trying to console her daughter said, “That’s alright dear, your father has only six inches.”

Clinton in Oz!

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The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
“I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.”

“No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?”
Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.”
“Done” says the Wizard.

“Who comes next before the Great Wizard?”
Up steps George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I
need a heart.”

“I’ve heard it’s true” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”

Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?”

And Willie replies – “Is Dorothy around?”

Shitty Chain Letter

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This letter is being sent to you because we know you are critically interested in your front lawn, and this summer season will soon be upon us.

This is a fertilizer club and will not cost you a cent to join. Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of this list and shit on their front lawn. You won’t be the only one there, so don’t be embarrassed. Then make five copies of this letter and send it to five of your friends who appreciate good lawns.

You will not get any money or checks, but within one week if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,216 people shitting on your front lawn Your reward will come next summer when you will have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.

Un septuagenario se transporta en

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Un septuagenario se transporta en el metro de la ciudad de Washington, D.C. Cuando el tren se detiene en la estaci�n del Capitolio, se abren las puertas y se sube un muchacho vestido al estilo ‘punk’: los pelos parados y pintados de todos los colores y vistiendo ropa escandalosa y estrafalaria. El anciano se le queda mirando fijamente hasta que el ‘punk’, todo molesto, le reclama:

“�Qu� tanto mira, abuelo? �Acaso cuando usted fue joven nunca hizo nada raro o anormal?”

El viejito, muy serio, le contesta:

“Si, hijo, precisamente por eso te estoy observando. Cuando ten�a tu edad, tuve sexo con una guacamaya y ahorita estoy pensando que �t� puedes ser mi hijo!”