Author: admin

What kind of tires do Delorean’s have?
Snow Tires.

What happens as a Delorean drives down the street?
The white line disappears.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, “I am going to lock you away for five years, but I’ll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away.”

The Englishman says, “I’ll have five years’ supply of beer!”
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.

The Frenchman says, “I’ll have five years’ supply of brandy!”
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.

The Polak says, “I’ll have five years’ supply of cigarettes!”
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.

Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners.
First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk.
Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather drunk.

Finally, they release the Polak, who comes out and says, “Has anyone got a light?”

there r 3 kinds of rings to a marrige
1st engagement ring

2nd the wedding ring

3rd the suffering

Yo’ mama so fat, when she goes to a stadium, she sits next to everybody!

A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered.

The baby looked up at him and said, “Are you my father?”

The doctor said, “No, I am the doctor that delivered you.” Then the doctor handed the baby to the nurse.

While the nurse was cleaning the baby the baby looked at the nurse and said, “Are you my father?”

The nurse said, “No, I am just the nurse.” Then the nurse gave the baby to the new father.

The baby looked at him and said, “Are you my father?”

The new father said proudly, “Yes! I am your father.”

Then the baby started poking his father in the forehead over and over again and said, “So how do YOU like it?!”

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” announced the 60 year old. “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 60 year old. “When you’re 70, you can’t take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran – you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !”

“Actually,” said the eighty year old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing too?”, asked the sixty year old.
“No … not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse – no problem at all.”

“Do you have trouble taking a crap?”, asked the 70 year old.
“No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30.”

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o’clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What’s so tough about being eighty?”

To which the eighty year old replied – “I don’t wake up until ten!”