What did the plow say to the tractor?
Pull me closer John Deer.
Author: admin
Una viuda octogenaria se presenta
Una viuda octogenaria se presenta al ginec�logo para que le extienda un certificado de virginidad.
“�Pero, do�a C�stula, c�mo quiere que le extienda ese certificado si usted ha enviudado tres veces!”
“Mira, mi’jito, mi primer esposo era PRI�sta y con �l puro dedazo. Mi segundo esposo, era PRDista y con �l, pura lengua. Y mi �ltimo esposo era PANista, y una vez que estaba arriba no sab�a qu� hacer”.
Frobnicate
To manipulate or adjust, to tweak. Derived from FROBNITZ.
Usually abbreviated to FROB. Thus one has the saying “to frob a
frob”. See TWEAK and TWIDDLE. Usage: FROB, TWIDDLE, and TWEAK
sometimes connote points along a continuum. FROB connotes aimless
manipulation; TWIDDLE connotes gross manipulation, often a coarse
search for a proper setting; TWEAK connotes fine-tuning. If someone is
turning a knob on an oscilloscope, then if he’s carefully adjusting it
he is probably tweaking it; if he is just turning it but looking at the
screen he is probably twiddling it; but if he’s just doing it because
turning a knob is fun, he’s frobbing it.
The cat, the fly, and the fish
One day there was a cat wtaching the fish watching a fly above
the water and the fish was thinking if that fly drops 6 inches I
can jump up and eat it. The cat was thinkng if the fly drops 6
inches and the fish jumps up to get it I can catch the fish and
eat it. Well, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish jumped, the cat
missed the fish and fell in the pond.
The moral of the story is that when the fly drops 6 inches the
pussy gets wet.
Kid Axioms
“Accent asked students at Columbus’ Beck School, and Dublin’s Chapman Elementary to study a list of 20 axioms with the key words missing.” These are my favorites:
If you can’t stand the heat, get a Pool.
If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the oven.
A bird in the hand is messy.
Don’t count your chickens, eat them.
You can’t teach and old dog new math.
When in Rome, do Roman numerals in math.
When in Rome, do bulls run around town?
Too many cooks, so little meals.
A fool and his money are my best friends.
Look before you run into a pole.
A rolling stone is a singing rock group.
A rolling stone makes you flat
Knock KnockWho’s there?Burns!Burns who?Durns me
Knock KnockWho’s there?Burns!Burns who?Durns me up!
Stupid mama
Yo mama is so stupid she went to the local stupid contest and they said “Sorry ma’am no professionals””
“
Things not to say to young ladies immediately…
Things not to say to young ladies immediately afterwards:
- Now slag off.
- Well that was bloody awful.
- Do you always make that appalling noise?
Efficiency
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “Please DO
NOT to try these techniques at home.”
“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.
“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.
“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,
often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Honey, why don’t
you try carrying several things at once?'”
“Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked.
“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make
breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
Taxi Momma
Your Momma so Fat Wen she put on a yellow raincoat people think shes a taxi…
Your belt buckle weighs more
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.You have the taxidermist’s number on speed-dial.
Gold Coins
This is actually a true story that happened to one of our readers, but it’s as
funny as any joke we’ve heard: One day on the way home from work, I stopped at
the local Pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take
home for me and my 7-year old son. It was a bag of Gold Coins (Gold Foil-covered
chocolate candy coins). There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the
bag home, and me and my son opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son
taking the bigger dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones. The next
day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to pick up a few
things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that my son had picked up
a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and
asked the Pharmacist, ”What’s this?” The woman, looking very serious, said,
”That’s a condom, son.” To which my son replied, ”My daddy BOUGHT me some of
these yesterday!” With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied,
”Those are NOT for children, young man.” And finally, my son replied, ”Then
I’ll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!”