One night these two men wanted to go out for drinks, but they didn’t have any money. so the first man said, “No problem. I have an idea”So the two proceeded to the closest bar and ordered their drinks. the second man asks, “Now what’s your plan?” The first man said, “I’m gonna put this hot dog down my pants and then you unzip me and suck the hot dog. then the two would for sure be thrown out of the bar.”The second man was unsure but agreed. as soon as the bill came he dropped to his knees and began to suck. His plan worked. the two were quickly thrown out of the bar. they proceeded to do this in bars all over town without ever having to pay. Finally the second man said, “Man, I’m drunk enough. That was a good plan.”The first man said yea but I lost the hot dog three doors back..”
Author: admin
Ways to add confusion to dining halls
by Robert ChenYou should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.41. Dress up in coat and tie. Find a table where everyone’s done eating. Inform them of the daily special desserts and take their orders.42. Spill your drink and tray on a person and run off.43. During the meal, tell about the time you beat a boulder to death.44. Find a full table. Ask, “Is anyone sitting under there?” Proceed to eat beneath the table. Ask for amenities such as napkins and ketchup. Comment on how nice everyone’s shoes look.45. If sitting with someone with whom you’re romantically interested, complain how the setting isn’t very romantic. Apologize. Then give a look of resolve and proceed to smash all the lights in the dining hall. Sit back down and remove the shattered glass from your partner’s food.46. Bring in a cordless or cellular phone. Order pizza.47. During the meal, complain how terrible the virus is that you have. Proceed to cough and sneeze on everyone’s food.48. Speak of some disgusting topic while everyone is eating.49. Request a waitress.50. Comment on how good the food is.
En un voraz incendio, el
En un voraz incendio, el jefe de los bomberos nota que le faltan dos de los integrantes. Cuando los est� buscando, observa que el cami�n se mueve en forma cadenciosa; abre la puerta, y encuentra a los dos bomberos perdidos en plena activida sexual.
“��Pero que est� pasando aqu�?!”, pregunta indignado el jefe.
“Lo que pasa es que mi compa�ero se estaba asfixiando con el humo y yo vine a darle auxilio”.
“�Pero para la asfixia lo que se recomienda es respiraci�n boca a boca!” grita enojado su superior.
“�S� jefe, as� fue que empezamos!”
What did you see?
Attorney: And what did you see when the defendant pulled down his pants?
Witness: It looked like a penis, only smaller.
computerese poem
!* ‘ ‘ #^”`$$-!*=@$_%*~#4&[]../
Aiming for the least common
Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
Basketball on the roof
There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue,
standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis The fire department came with a
blanket and yelled to the Norte Dame player to jump.He jumped and they moved it
to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. They
said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department
moved the blanket to the left.
The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk. Then they called to the Purdue
player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump.
The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back and
said, ”Lay the blanket down, and then I’ll jump!”
Psalm of Bush
Psalm of BushBush is my shepherd I shall not lieHe leadeth me beside the still farms and small towns.He restoreth my doubt in the Repulican partyHe guideth me down the path of untold debt for the party’s sake.My wages he will freeze but my expenses runneth over my income.He cuteth taxes for the wealthiest surely.Poverty and hard living shall follow the Republican partyand I shall live in a rented house forever.5,000 years ago, Moses said:”Park your camel, pick up your shovel, mount your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land.”5,000 years later, Franklin D. Roosevelt said:”Lay down your shovel, sit on your ass, light up a camelthis is the promised land.”Today, Bush will steal your shovel, sell your camel, kick your ass, and tell you know there is no promised land.I am glad I am an American and I am glad that I am freebut I wish I were a little dog and bush were a tree.
10 things to never say to a naked man…
Uh…top 10 things not to say to a naked man:
10: Awww…that’s cute
9. Well, at least you’re good at other things
8. Do you think it’ll fit my old Barbie� clothes?
7. My li’l brother has one like that.
6. Are you cold?
5. ::giggles::
4. Maybe we should just be friends
3. Can you make it dance?
2. Umm…maybe you should get dressed
1. Oh…look…its hiding!
Things that are Odd
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station…
* I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit,what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
* What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
* I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
* I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
* Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Very Good Doctor.
* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become Pen Pals to these men?
It is not sufficient to
It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.
Almost Caught Bin Laden
We almost caught Osama Bin Laden today. They sprayed the
recently developed “Liquid Viagra” all over the mountains and
inside the caves in Afghanistan and the little prick stood up.