1. Your ‘Imbruglia’ hairdo has turned into a ‘Bronwyn Bishop’ …. and you’ve stopped caring.
2. You have absolutely no idea where you’re shoes are.
3. The “Chicken Dance Song” seems like a really good tune.
4. You mistake a police car from a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn’t stop for you.
5. You’ve started having a row with yourself. Out loud.
6. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies loo because you tried twice and ended up on the floor on your bum…..And it was wet.
7. You bump into people on their way to work.
8. You keep dancing into people and you’ve fallen off the podium – twice.
9. They’ve stacked all the chairs and turned the lights on.
10. You’ve been flashing your boobs at passers by.
11. Creme De Menthe, Advocaat or Grenadine suddenly seem to be viable drink options.
12. You start crying.
13. You can’t stop.
14. There are less than three hours before you’re due to start work.
15. You’ve found a deeper side to the office nerd.
16. The man you’re pashing used to be your 5th grade teacher.
17. The urge to take all your clothes off, stand on a table and sing “Fever” become strangely overwhelming.
18. You’ve forgotten where you live.
19. You seem to be seeing more of the toilet bowl than the dance floor.
20. You’ve just sung “I’m horny, horny horny horny …” to a passing police man.
21. You notice that there’s vomit on your dress and suspect that it’s yours.
22. You’ve started to sound like Tommy Raudonikis from the 60 fags you’ve smoked.
23. You keep missing your mouth with your drink.
24. You can’t taste the gin in your gin and tonic.
25. You think you’re in bed but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
26. You tell your worst enemy that you’ve always loved her really.
27. The stairs take on the appearance of that really really really steep slippery dip at Luna Park.
28. You’ve started offering ‘oral pleasure’ to any male who’ll listen.
29. You start every conversation with, “Don’t take this the wrong way but…”
30. You fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when you sit on it.
31. You challenge the doorman to an arm wrestling competition.
32. You have to be restrained from ‘stage-diving’ from the top of the stairs.
33. You’re sitting on the floor. On your own.
34. You show your mates that girls can wee standing up if they really want to.
35. You decide to audition for ‘StarSearch’ via the security cameras.
36. You rediscover your childhood gymnastic skills. On Hay Street.
37. You realise why you gave up gymnastics.
38. You think three blokes are chatting you up when there’s actually only one.
39. You drop your 3am burger on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
40. The entire club has seen your pants. Twice
41. Most of them against their will.
42. You can’t see you own face to reapply your long gone make-up. And you have profoundly discovered that your mascara tastes like chicken.