Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Hump me Dump me.
Author: admin
Goofy
Mickey Mouse goes to see his lawyer demanding a divorce from Minnie Mouse.
The lawyer reads the divorce papers that Mickey had prepared and says that
the fact that Minnie has large teeth that stick out is not sufficient
grounds for divorce.
Mickey looks up at the lawyer and says “I didn`t say she had large teeth that stick out, I said she was fucking Goofy”
Pro and con
If pro is the opposite of con, then what’s the opposite of congress?
PROGRESS!
Midget Faggot
Q: What is the difference between a regular faggot and a midget faggot?
A: Regulars come out of the closet; midgets come out of the cupboard.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut: The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find: The Los Angeles Times, November 2’Light’ meals are lower in fat, calories: Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking: The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers: The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain will cure drought: The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
No…Really…
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” re`lied the second.
“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
Clarinet joke
Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?A: Gifted.
poor
Your mama is so poor that when I walked in your backyard and stepped on a cochroach, she said, “Thanks for killing dinner.”
Kindergardner first homework assigment
this kid in kindergarden his teacher told him to write down 4 words his mother was talking on the phone and she said shut up so he writes that down then his sister said i think im in love he writes that his little bro tv show goes da da batman he writes that his dad said my buns are on fire his teacher said what words did you write shut up what did you say ooh i think im in love who do you think you are da da batman go to the principals office my buns are on fire
The Top 16 Least Cool Ways to Die
16> Accidentally stabbing yourself in the eye with a spork. Twice.
15> Buried alive beneath a collapsed pile of your rare “Party of Five” memorabilia.
14> Unemployed, wearing pajamas, eating Pringles, in the middle of typing TopFive submi$(*%&(*%&(*$&%)
13> Of starvation, alone on an island — after everyone else has been voted off it.
12> Struck by a piccolo during a band-camp brawl.
11> Shortly after opening a spam e-mail message reading, “Congratulations, brother! You may already be the new leader of Hamas!”
10> Auto-erotic asphyxiation while watching reruns of “Mama’s Family.”
9> “See, these are not wild tigers; they’re just wittle kittens who wuv to be kissed on their wittle white noses!”
8> Smothered by your own man-boobs while hanging upside-down on your kids’ swingset.
7> Crushed during a stampede at a Raffi concert.
6> Heart attack while celebrating Brian Boitano nailing a quad salchow.
5> Crushed beneath the wheels of a Nash Metropolitan driven by an old, old woman with her false teeth in upside down and a Chihuahua in a clown costume on the fake-zebra-skin-covered passenger seat.
4> Extreme old age. (Keith Richards only)
3> Fatal allergic reaction to your Klingon latex body paint during your presentation at the comi-con.
2> Having your neck snapped by a vicious slap from an enraged Clay Aiken.
1> Choking on a pretzel — but hey, what are the odds of *that*?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Marg ee
you are a freak!!!
How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb
Here’s a bit of dog humor that’s been making the rounds lately. The question, of course, is “How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?”
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
German Shepherd: I’ll guard the light bulb while you decide. Back off!
Dachshund: I can’t reach the stupid light!
Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go ahead–make me!
Shih-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Leave it for the servants.
Lab: Oh, me, ME! Pleeeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.
Chow Chow: I’m with the Malamute. After I take my nap, that is!
Akita: I’m with the Chow and Malamute! What’s for dinner?
Jack Russell Terrier or Wire-haired Fox Terrier: I can reach it! I just KNOW I can reach it! Another twenty jumps, and it’s mine, ALL mine!
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
Kelpie: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, rrrrriiiiiiight there.