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Georgia far

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A traveling salesman from New York was traveling through Georgia around Christmas time and stopped at a convenience store next to a church.

He told the lady cashier that the nativity scene next door was really beautiful but he couldn’t understand why the three wise men had firemens helmets on.

The lady said “that’s the trouble with you yankees, you never read your Bibles or you would know.”

He said “maam, I have read my Bible through three times and I have never seen anything to explain this.”

She said, ” I will show you” and opened up her bible. ” It says right here that the three wise men came from a “far”.

Drunken patrons

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A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that
he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons.

After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he
wasn’t drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.

As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees
this guy on the floor doing push-ups.

He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the ribs saying, “Fell, I
think your girl friend has gone home.”

Dos amigas est�n charlando:

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Dos amigas est�n charlando:

“T�a, �qu� te pasa que est�s tan triste?”

“�Joder, es que nadie quiere follarme porque mi chocho apesta!”

“Bah, no te preocupes, yo conozco a un boxeador al que le machacaron la nariz durante una pelea y ahora el pobre no puede oler nada. Te lo presento y ver�s qu� bien”.

Total que la chica queda con el boxeador y todo va bien hasta que se meten en la cama… De improviso, el boxeador se levanta y empieza a vestirse.

“Pero, hombre, �qu� te pasa?”

“Me voy, el chocho te huele demasiado”.

“�Pero si t� no puedes oler nada!”

“�S�, pero ya los ojos me est�n llorando!”

The Top 14 Health Complaints of Disney Workers

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14> Nobody ever walks those stupid Dalmatians.

13> Dental plan only covers grotesquely oversized and badly gapped front teeth.

12> Actresses playing Little Mermaid forced to have their nipples sanded off.

11> Huey, Dewey and Leukemia.

10> Goofy has a nasty habit of marking his territory near the Food Court.

9> Hand rashes caused by the daily rubbing of Walt’s frozen head.

8> EuroDisney workers required to bathe at least once a month.

7> HMO requires referral by primary care veterinarian.

6> Repetitive “Small World” Syndrome.

5> “My neck aches from holding my nose up, I’m a pathological liar, and I catch on fire every time Ms. Pinocchio and I have sex.”

4> It’s a small wart, after all.

3> Them kids is all covered in germs!

2> The guy who tattoos the Disney ID on your forearm hasn’t changed the needle in years.

1> Supercalifragelisticexpihalitosis.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

Daz

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Tiger Woods was teeing up on the first hole of the Open championship, he hit his first shot and it sliced to the right.

His next shot was no better, again he sliced it right.

Feeling disgruntled, he jokingly asked if anyone could prevent him from making the ball go right.

And to his suprise a little old lady pushed her way to the front of the crowd and said she had some magic powder that would stop his shots going right.

Tiger was a bit dubious about this, but thought he would have nothing to lose.

He teed up the ball and the little old lady sprinkled this magic powder onto the ball.

Tiger took his shot and it went 320 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.

Tiger was impressed. He lined up his next shot and again the little old lady sprinkled the magic powder on to his ball.

Again it flew straight as an arrow and finished two feet from the flag.

Tiger was amazed at this and asked the little old lady what the magic powder was.

“It’s Daz,” said the little old lady.

“Daz!?” exclaimed Tiger.

“Yes, Daz,” said the little old lady, “Apparently it stops colors from fading!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Blonde in the store

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One day there was a blonde that walked into the mall and asked the clerk if she could buy this tv. the clerk said we dont sell to blondes. so she went to dye hair and she dyed it green. Went back and asked if she could buy this tv. He said we dont sell to blondes. so she went and and dyed her hair purple and went back to the store and asked if she could buy that tv. he said that we dont sell to blondes. she said how did you know i was a blonde he said that it wasnt a tv it was a microwave.

Una pareja llega al cielo,

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Una pareja llega al cielo, y encuentra con un letrero en la entrada que dec�a: “Hoy s�lo se aceptan varones subidos en una cabra. Nota: se ingresa desnudo”.

El marido tratando de ingresar a toda costa, le dice a su esposa: “no creo que aqu� conozcan bien a las cabras. Me montar� sobre ti y entraremos”.

As� lo hacen, y tocan en la puerta celestial. San Pedro contrariado exclama: “�pero que es esto?”

El esposo responde: “pues mira, vengo montado en una cabra como dice el letrero”.

San Pedro replica: “Por Dios, hasta ahora veo una cabra con las tetas adelante y la chiva atr�s”.

One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever
think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the
place, anyway?”

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the
road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we
overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with
that chicken.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find
out.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask
Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.