There once was three explorers, an english explorer, a spanish explorer, and a polish explorer an idiotwere exploring an island and they got captured by vikings. The Vikings said they would kill the explorers and cut their skin off their bodies to use as boats because the Vikings boat sank. The Vikings said they would Grant each one of the explorers one big big wish. The English guy wished for a sword and he stabbed himself. The spanish guy wished for a dagger and he stabbed himself. The polish guy wished for a fork, So then the polish idiot took the fork and started stabbing little holes in himself all over his body,and said “I hope your boat sinks.”
Author: admin
Cierto d�a cuando Pepito lleg�
Cierto d�a cuando Pepito lleg� a la escuela y vio muchos carteles pegados en la pared que dec�an:
“En Pro de la educaci�n”, “En Pro de la salud”, “En Pro de la nutrici�n”. Entonces Pepito al desconocer el significado de la palabra “Pro” le pregunta a su maestra:
“�Maestra que quiere decir Pro?”
A lo que la maestra le responde que significa a favor de cierta causa.
A la hora de salida Pepito muy apresurado sale de la clase. La maestra lo detiene y le dice:
“Pepito �a donde vas?”
“�Voy al registro civil!”
“�Y eso para que?”
“Es que me quiero cambiar mi segundo nombre.”
“�Y cual es tu segundo nombre?”
“�Pr�culo!”
Your photographs do you an
Your photographs do you an injustice. They all look like you!
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Good’nuff fer us
Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddy’s hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic ‘nature honeymoon’. He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear, ‘Billy Joe, be gentle, I air’ never been with a man b’fore.”WHAT?’shouts Billy Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head. Billy Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes and races out the door, into his truck… down the mountain… straight to his parents house… rushes inside screaming, ‘Hey Daddy! Paw! Git up!�His father rushes downstairs and gasps, ‘Billy Joe, what’re you doin’ here?’Billy Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps, ‘Well, Betty-Sue and I was in the cabin and she toll me she ain’t never been with a man afore… so’s I rushed outta there an’ lit back here quick as I could.’His father grasps Billy Joe’s shoulder in reassurance and says, ‘Son, ya done the right thing. Iffin she ain’t good’nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain’t good’nuff fer ours!’
Yo mamma
That joke was so funny me and yo mamma both fell outa bed!
Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after
only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
Deaf bugger
Bob was worried about his wifes hearing so he visited the doctor.
The doctor gave him step-by-step instructions on how to determain how serious the problem was.
Later, when he got home he saw his wife in front of the oven. He stood in the doorway and said “Honey what are we having for dinner tonight?”
No answer.
He then moved three steps closer and said it again just like the doctor told him to, and still no answer.
He moved three more steps and now he was right behind her. He shouted “HONEY WHAT ARE WE HAVING FOR DINNER TONIGHT?”
His wife says, “For the third time, meatloaf you deaf bugger!”
Four guys were driving cross country together-…
Four guys were driving cross country together–one from Idaho, one from Iowa,
one from Florida and the last one from New York.
A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag
and begins throwing them out the window.
The man from Iowa turns to him and asks “What the hell are you doing?”. The
man from Idaho says, “Man, we have SO MANY of these damned things in Idaho,
they’re laying on the ground — I’m sick of looking at them!!!”
A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling husks of corn
from his bag and throwing them out the window.
The man from Florida asks “What are you doing that for?”. The man from Iowa
replies, “Man, we have so many of these damned things in Iowa that I am SICK
of looking at them!!”
Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes
the New Yorker out!
The Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter
15. The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith’s breasts make when she walks.
14. BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
13. Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
12. Finally, a chance to say, “Yeah, but it’s a dry cold.”
11. Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
10. You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
9. Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.
8. No newsclips of jogging President for at least 8 more weeks.
7. Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else’s toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
6. Flashers stick to describing themselves.
5. Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for illicite affairs.
4. When it’s 10 below, nobody gives a rat’s ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
3. With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.
2. The shivering just makes your Katherine Hepburn impersonation that much better, you old poop!
1. Goodbye, runny nose. Hello, Snotcicles!
[ This list copyright 1997, 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Statistical one-liner
Some statisticians don’t drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.
Ignorance
The little brother of an Army radar operator asked, “Jim, tell me how does a radar work?”
“The radar transmitter emits brief impulses of electromagnetic waves which are reflected from the target and received by a special receiver.
Since the speed at which electromagnetic waves propagate is exactly known and the time they take to travel to the target and back can be determined with a great degree of accuracy it is possible to determine the range to the target as well as the direction to it.”
His brother pondered a moment, then said, “As long as you don’t know, Jim, why don’t you just say so?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
George W Bush Discount
Looking for savings this holiday season? When you’re out shopping, take
advantage of the George W. Bush discount. You will need unmitigated gall and
several accomplices. Here’s how it works.
Load up with all sorts of items that you want and take them to the checkout.
When the clerk gets to an item that will not scan on the first attempt say,
petulantly, “My brother says that all these items are mine.” The clerk will
insist on rescanning the item. Look bored and incredulous that anybody could be
so incompetent as the clerk tries unsuccessfully to scan the item. Turn to the
people in line behind you and say, “Can you believe this is taking so long?”
At this point, the clerk will attempt to enter the bar code information by
hand. Insist loudly that the item is yours and that since it didn’t scan after
two attempts, it must be free. Get so worked up that your face starts to break
out. The clerk will still attempt to enter the bar code. At this point, bring
forward your first accomplice who will introduce herself as the Secretary of Bar
Code Scanning and say to the clerk, “I’ll give you two seconds to enter that bar
code. Ready… Set… Times up!”
The clerk will probably call for the manager, and the two of them will insist
on manually entering the bar code into the cash register. Have dozens of your
accomplices run to the media talking about possible mistakes and mischief that
could arise from manually entering the bar code. Raise questions such as, “How
can I make sure the price is being entered fairly when the clerk works for the
owner?” Say, “These items have been scanned and rescanned. They just want to
keep entering bar codes until they get the total they want.”
At this point, the owner might try to take you to court to get some more time
to manually enter the bar code. He’s really playing right into your hands.
While he’s getting a time extension from the court, call the office of
Congressman Tom DELAY and ask him to send down a couple of henchmen to lead a
crowd of angry demonstrators into the store to shout and bang on the doors.
Simultaneously, file an appeal with the Supreme Court asking the highest court
in the land to bring a halt to all manual entry of bar codes.
In the midst of this confusion, have your first accomplice declare that all
the items are legally yours and that if the owner doesn’t like it, he can take
you to court. The owner will now have to drive to the state capital to file a
lawsuit in which he will ask the judge to manually enter the bar code of the
item that would not scan. Invite some celebrities over for a photo op and
announce that you’ll share the items with them once the items are found to be
rightfully yours.
Meanwhile in court, the owner will ask the judge to transfer the item from the
checkout line to the courtroom. Have your lawyer tell the judge that that is
simply not enough, that the judge needs to move the entire inventory from the
store lock, stock and barrel to his courtroom.
When the owner contemplates that this will tie up all his merchandise till
well after the holidays, he will surely give up. But just to be safe, have the
legislature pass a law giving the entire store to you.
Some people will tell you that you won’t enjoy the goodies you’ve thus
obtained because they are not really yours.