Why aren’t [ethnic] people blonde?
How dumb do you want them to be?
Author: admin
Farmer and the Prett
One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take a short cut and go down this alley. We’ll save half the time to get there”.The fair young lady said, “How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?”The farmer said, “I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”The young lady said, “Easy silly! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the friggen chickens!”
Llega Pepito con su mam�,
Llega Pepito con su mam�, que est� embarazada, y le pregunta:
“�Mam�, qu� es lo tienes en el est�mago?”
“Un ni�o.”
“�Y quien te lo dio?”
“Tu pap�.”
Pepito sale coriendo a ver a su pap� y le dice:
“Oye, pap�, no le des ni�os a mi mam�, porque se los come.”
Breathe
A blonde walks into a hair dresser with a walkman on. She tells the guy to cut whatever he wants just as long as he cuts around the headphones. So the guy says cool until he runs into a problem, he says “Ms.?” “Ms.?” Finally he just takes them off and the blonde drops dead!!
He puts the headphones on and he hears “BREATHE IN…..BREATHE OUT…..BREATHE IN…..BREATHE OUT.”
Bomb Scare
The other day, we had a bomb scare here in Rio Rancho, NM at the Giant gas station.
Of course the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate, which in turn brought the news. In the local paper the next day, they had a picture of a bomb squad member, wearing a shirt that said: “I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try and keep up!”
Give Budda a chance
It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight.”
Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox’s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn’t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, “Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!”
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance.
Bubba is told that he will be given a “one question” math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, “What is 2 plus 3?” Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, “I have it! The answer is 5!”
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, “Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more chance!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
How much stronger?
Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.
The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend
it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I
tried really hard.
“By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I’m gonna
be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand.”
“So”, says the second drunk, “What’s your point?”
“Well”, says the first, “I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”
Q: How many bassists
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: It doesn’t matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
Lawyer and a redneck
A big shot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day.
The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey
the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault… “YOU STUPID HICK!”
shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls
and tangled beard. “Hick, huh?” though the redneck. “How am I going to get out
this?” After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city
lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie,
starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like
mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to
his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back. Mister Hotshot was checking his
suit and shoes to make sure they were not dirty. He handed it to the lawyer, and
said, “Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this.
It’ll steady your nerves….IT’S HOMEMADE…” Mister Pinstripes did, but was so
angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, “You still
look a little bit pale. How about another?” And the smug, pompous lawyer took
another swallow. After a few minutes, he began to feel the heat of the sun
through his wool suit. Then the redneck said �It�s mighty hot today. Folks
�round here don�t usually wear shoes on a day like this. Why don�t you take off
them fancy shoes, and the socks, too?�
The lawyer frowned: “Take off my shoes and socks? Do I LOOK like someone who
would walk around barefoot? That’s fine for rednecks, but not for a professional
like ME! These are $500 shoes!”
But after a few more sips, the redneck asked him again, and then again, and
finally the lawyer let out a drunken laugh, and took off his polished shoes and
socks. Then the redneck said: �Why don�t you take off that fancy tie?” “Take off
my tie?” said the lawyer with a sneer and slur in his voice. “I’m a lawyer!!!”
But then he looked down at his bare feet and took off his tie…
The redneck said: “And the suit? You look kind of funny standing there
barefoot in a suit! I got another pair of overalls you can wear while we fogger
out what to do about this situation!”
The lawyer tried to give him an arrogant look, but he was feeling the heat of
the sun and the liquor. He tried to resist, but…
Off came the jacket of the $2,000 pinstriped suit. Then the white shirt.
Finally, the trousers, too, and the lawyer pulled on the overalls.
At the urging of the redneck, the lawyer then took another sip, and another,
and another.
The suspenders and the cufflinks and the briefcase were all in a heap now, and
the lawyer was having a hard time standing up. After another half hour, the
lawyer said he was feeling pretty good, and asked the redneck if he didn’t think
that he ought to have a little nip, too. Then he realized he couldn’t find the
redneck… or his expensive clothes.
“Not me”, the redneck replied, stepping out from behind a tree and wearing the
lawyer’s clothes and holding the keys to his BMW. He looked at the formerly
well-dressed and dignified lawyer, barefoot in overalls and drunk as a skunk and
looking like a true redneck, “Here’s the keys to my pickup. Now that I’ve cut ya
down to size, I’m waiting for the state trooper!”
A man with AIDS
What does a Chinese man call a black man with AIDS?
Coon soon die.
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?…
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Asking the Wizard of Oz
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, “Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart”. So the Wizard said, “So be it”.Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, “People think I’m unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, “So be it”. Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. “People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage”. The Wizard granted this wish as well.And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, “Well, what do you want?” To which Clinton replied, “I’m here for Dorothy!”