An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.
Author: admin
Why is the time of
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Where’s My Rolex?
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!” “Oh my gaaad….”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex?”
If Dr. Suess wrote about Computer Users
Tech: “I think I know from where your problems stem. Would you, could you, RTFM?”
User: “I would not, could not, RTFM I want *YOU* to solve my problem.”
Tech: “Could you read the docs online? Would you read them any time?”
User: “I would not read the docs online, Without them I can do just fine.”
Tech: “Would you read a FAQ or HOWTO? Is this something you could do?”
User: “I could not read a FAQ or HOWTO. Even the thought makes me spew.”
Tech: “What could I suggest next? Would you read it in HyperText?”
User: “I would not read help in hypertext, For the problem with which I am vexed.”
Tech: “How about if you could read it through A conveniently placed system menu?”
User: “I will not access help from a menu. That stuff is a bunch of ballyhoo!”
Tech: “How much simpler could this be? Did you try the help hotkey?”
User: “I’ll try not a help hotkey, To that I will never agree! ”
User: “I would not, could not RTFM. I want *you* to solve my problem!”
Tech: “Since you will not RTFM, You I must now condemn”
Tech: “To a life without working software, And a constant feeling of despair.”
Tech: “You should read a book by Dr. Suess, Or maybe something by Mother Goose.”
Revelations In Life
Revelations on My Life
1. I’m not into working out. You see, my philosophy is no pain, no pain.
2. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
5. People say you have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her!
8. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific!
Untitled joke
How many government agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There never was any light bulb. All you saw was a reflection from swamp gas.
A Few Too Many
David is in a bar and he has had quite a few already. At two o’clock, last round is called, and although he knows he shouldn’t, he drinks another beer, simply because they taste just too good.
After the final beer, he slides from his stool and immediately drops on the floor. This was not what he had expected. He knew he had some, but… He tries to get up but again he falls. After several more attempts, he gives up and decides to crawl home.
At the door of his house he realizes it is better not to stand up, since he will almost certainly fall over again and wake up his wife. So he crawls quietly inside to his bed and slips under the covers without awakening his wife.
The next morning his wife asks him furiously. “Were you drunk again last night”?
David is surprised and asks her how she knew.
“They just called from the bar. You left without your wheelchair again.”
Mole Smells
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.”
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.”
The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Are you ready for this? 🙂
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses!”
YO MOMMA SO HAIRY
YO MOMMA IS SO HAIRY SHE GOT AFROS ON HER NIPPLES !
Una pareja de granjeros estaban
Una pareja de granjeros estaban haciendo el amor y, en plena sesi�n, el granjero le toca los senos a la mujer, los acaricia y le dice:
“�Ajuaaah! si estos senos dieran galones de leche, botar�a a todas las vacas de la granja, �ajuaaah!”
Luego le acaricia el trasero y le dice:
“�Oooh! �si este trasero pudiera poner cientos de huevos, botar�a a todas las gallinas de la granja!”
Entonces la mujer granjera le coge el pip� y le dice:
“Y si esta cosa se parara mas a menudo, �Ajuaaah, botar�a a todos los peones de la granja!”
yore mum is so stupid she got locked in the…
yore mum is so stupid she got locked in the supermarket and starved to death
Unexpectedly, the first to score
Unexpectedly, the first to score in the Super Bowl was Bill Clinton.