An engineer, physicist, and mathematician are all challenged with a problem: to fry an egg when there is a fire in the house. The engineer just grabs a huge bucket of water, runs over to the fire, and puts it out. The physicist thinks for a long while, and then measures a precise amount of water into a container. He takes it over to the fire, pours it on, and with the last drop the fire goes out. The mathematician pores over pencil and paper. After a few minutes he goes “Aha! A solution exists!” and goes back to frying the egg.Sequel: This time they are asked simply to fry an egg (no fire). The engineer just does it, kludging along; the physicist calculates carefully and produces a carefully cooked egg; and the mathematician lights a fire in the corner, and says “I have reduced it to the previous problem.”
Author: admin
Carpooling
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children’s soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn’t be able to take my turn.
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn’t mention anything about his father’s whereabouts.
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.
“Yes,” he replied, “she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don’t worry. I told her I didn’t know!”
Picked for the school team
“Dad, dad!” cried Philip, as he arrived home one evening. “I think I’ve been
selected for the school football team.”
“That’s good,” said his father. “But why do you only think you’ve been
selected? Aren’t you sure? What position are you playing?”
“Well,” replied Philip, “it’s not been announced officially, but I overheard
the football coach tell my teacher that if I was in the team I’d be a great
draw-back.”
Number Test
DON’T scroll down too fast-do it slowly and follow the
instructions below exactly, do the math in your head as
fast as you can. It may help to say the answers aloud quietly.
FOLLOW these instructions one at a time and as QUICKLY as you
can!
What is:
2+2?
4+4?
8+8?
16+16?
Quick! Pick a number between 12 and 5
Got it?
Now scroll down
The number you picked was 7, right?
Beethoven’s Chicken
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ”Bach, Bach, Bach…
Gender for Objects
You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender.
For example…
1) Ziploc Bags — They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers — They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire — Male, because it goes bald and it’s often overinflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon — Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.
5) Sponges — Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page — Female, because it’s always getting hit on.
7) Subway — Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) Hourglass — Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer — Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
10) Remote Control — Female…… Ha! You thought it’d be male. But consider this — it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
Types of Pain
Three women, while traveling in a train, are discussing
different types of pain. The first woman says, “There is no pain
like when you suffer a fracture”. The second woman says, “That’s
nothing. Post-surgical pain is the worst”. The third woman says,
“I disagree. Pain during childbirth is the severest”. An old man
who is resting up on the top bunk overhears this conversation
and interrupts them. “I don’t think you three have ever
experienced a swift kick to the balls”.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR DATES PARENTS
* “Sorry I’m a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore.”
* “Show me how you used to spank her.”
* “Hi, I’m Hoopla69.”
* “Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?”
* “I just got my license today.”
* “I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.”
* “Five bucks says she’s a D-cup.”
* “Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?”
* “Hi. I’m Robert, but my friends call me ‘Back Door Bob.'”
* “So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?”
The Fat Woman & the Duck
A big, fat lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
The bartender says,” Hey, where’d you get the pig.” She says,
“It’s not a pig it’s a duck.” He says, “I was talking to the
duck.”
ADD Lightbulb
How many kids with ADD does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Want to go ride a bike?
Top 10 Things That Would Be Different If The 12 Disciples Had Been Gay
1) The “Sermon on the Mount” would be a musical.
2) Jesus would *never* wear white after Labor Day.
3) Priests would get married… wait a minute… never mind.
4) The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bruce.
5) Mary’s hair would be FLAWLESS.
6) The Temple would not have been cleansed of moneychangers, just re-decorated.
7) The water at the Wedding Feast of Canaan would have turned into dry martinis with just a splash of Curacao for color.
8) The Triumphal Entry just screams for a drag number.
9) Replace the “Beatitudes” with “Fabulous are they…”
10) The Last Supper would have been a brunch.
Clinton Limerick
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.