Yours Fun Portal !
On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater’s concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments.
Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, “Okay, who’s got the remote?”
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
“Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.”
“Oh yeah? What’s the problem?”
“When I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he said, “she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”
Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cow steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
Knock-Knock
who’s there?
Abby
Abby who?
Abby Birthday to you!
Your mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
yo momma so fat she wheres a rain coat and people mistake her for a school bus
Dos homosexuales se casan y se van en viaje de luna de miel en un avi�n en vuelo nocturno.
Al anochecer, la azafata les entrega a los pasajeros mantas y almohadas, les desea buenas noches y apaga la luz. En la oscuridad, uno de los maricones se empieza a calentar y le sugiere a su pareja hacer el amor. El otro se niega porque cree que los pueden pillar.
El que estaba m�s caliente le propone levantarse y hablar en voz alta para asegurarse de que todos est�n durmiendo. As� es que se levante y dice en voz alta:
“�Alguien tiene f�sforos…!”
Tras repetir en tres ocasiones el pedido y como nadie contesta, los maricones empiezan a hacer el amor desaforadamente.
A la ma�ana siguiente, la azafata les da los buenos d�as y retira las mantas y almohadas. Un viejito la llama susurrando:
“…se�orita, �puede darme una coca-cola?”
La azafata le pregunta el porqu� habla tan bajito.
“Resulta que anoche a alguien se le ocurri� pedir f�sforos en voz alta �y se lo fornicaron toda la noche!”
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him
what happened.
“I did a terrible thing�, sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my
wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.”
“That is awful,” said the other guy�,and now that she is gone you want her
back right?”
“Right!” said the drunk, still crying.
“You’re sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still
loved her, right?”
“Oh, No,” said the drunk. I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”
16> Hop on Pop Star
15> Willy Wanker and the Chocolate-Flavored Lotion
14> The Little Roadie Who Couldn’t
13> Snow White and Her Gay Cult Following
12> Curious George and the Big Cone Bra
11> Heather Has a Long String Of Cheap, Meaningless Daddies
10> The Amazing Adventures of Harry Beaver
9> Harlot’s Web
8> The Singing Princess and the Ever-Exasperated Acting Coach
7> The Three Pointy Bras Gruff
6> And to Think That I Saw It in a Men’s Room Stall in a Club
on Mulberry Street
5> Are You There, Lucifer? It’s Me, Madonna.
4> Goodnight Moon. As for *You* Ted, Jack, Stan, Chloe, Princess Jasmine, and the One Over There in the Crotchless Fed-Ex Uniform… Follow Me Upstairs.
3> Hairy Partner and the Leather-Clad Dominatrix
2> Goldislut and the Two Illegitimate Children
1> Clifford with the Big Red Dong
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
A girl is complaining about the size of her breasts to her girl friend. She said, “I know I many be shallow, but they’re so small. I just can’t stand them!”
Her girl friend replied, “Look, don’t get an operation or anything like that. I had the same problem and I went to Dr. Michaels and he helped me a lot. Make an appointment.”
“You do look good. OK, I’ll do it.”
She makes the appointment and after the examination Dr. Michaels said, “Look all you need is an exercise program and the improvement will be amazing. Here’s what you do. Stick your chest out and bring it back in. Do that for ten minutes every day. And to help you with the rhythm, do it in time with this poem, Mary had a little lamb, his fleece was white as snow. If I do this everyday, my breasts are sure to grow.
She did her exercise faithfully everyday, until one day when she forgot. She was on the bus going to work when she remembered that she hadn’t done them that morning. She looked around, and very gently stuck her chest out and back and quietly said, Mary had a little lamb his fleece was white as snow. if I do this everyday, my breasts are sure to grow.
She was startled when a fellow came up and said, “Hey, you go to Dr. Michaels, don’t you?”
“Why yes,” she said, “but how did you know that?”
He stood up and began gyrating his hips while reciting, Hickory dickory dock…….
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money on the
counter. Natrally the guy asks the bartender ‘That money couldnt
have possibly been collected in tips, whats it there for?’
so the bartender explains ‘well in this jar is $5,000 in cash
and i am willing to give it up if someone will take on a dare i
propose to them.’
so the guy say says ‘well whut is the dare?’
the bartender smirks and explains ‘well u see that huge, burley,
monster of a man?’ the guy nods-
-the bartender says ‘you have to knock him out cold in one
swing, and you see that door in the back of this bar?’
the guy nods while the bartender continues ‘behind that door is
a pitbull, you gotta reach in her mouth and pull out her gold
tooth, and u see the old woman sitting on that park bench across
the street?’ the guys nods again-bartender says ‘she is 93 and a
virgin , u must have sex with her’
so the guys sits for about 10minutes thinking this dare over and
in the end thinks what the heck – ill take the dare, i need the
money anyway.
so he goes up to the gigantic man and knocks him out cold ,
one punch to the head. then he goes to the back of the bar opens
the door goes in, and closes it. for at least 30 minutes the
rest of the bar hears loud squealing and yelping from the
pitbull and moans and groans from the guy. Finally the guy comes
out looks at the bartender and says ‘ok so wheres the old lady
with the gold tooth?’
A brunette walks into a bar and says, ”Gimme an M L.” the bartender says, “
What’s an M L?” She says, ” A Miller Light.”
Another Brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L.” the bartender says,
��what’s a B L?”
She says, ”Bud Light.”
A dumb blonde walks in and says, ”Gimme a 15.” The bar tender says,” what’s
a fifteen?” She says,” 7&7, duh!”