A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a cup of hot water. While handing over the cup, the bartender asks, “Don’t you want a bloody mary?””
The vampire says
Author: admin
The Signs………….
A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor
Aliens Attack
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the
Pentagon. “Mr. President
Nymphomaniacs
Once Upon A Time a man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he
settled in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the
plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,
“Business trip or pleasure?””
She turned
Blonde jokes
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that…….
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate.””
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
~she told me to meet her at the corner of “”WALK”” and “”DON’T WALK.””
~ she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
~ she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved to
death.
~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts
.:*�*:.SeX eDuCaTiOn.:*�*:.
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He
had been hearing quite a bit about ‘courting’ from the older boys, and he
wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question
mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny,
she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister
and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described
EVERYTHING to his mother. “Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while
Naughty with the pickle slicer
bill works in a pickle factory,
he had been employed there for several years
till one day he came home and confessed to his
wife that he had a terrible compunction.
he had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. his wife recommended he see a
sex theripist but bill indicated he would be to embarrassed. he vowed to overcome the urge on his own. one day a few weeks later, bill came home, his wife could see that somthing terrible had happend.
“my god bill what happened”” she said
“”do you remember when i told you i had an urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?””
“”oh no bill you didn’t!”” she replied
“”yes i did”” he said.
“”well my god bill what happend?”” she asked him
“”i got fired”” he said. she paused for a moment
“”no bill i mean what happened with the pickle slicer?””
“”oh
Please don’t explain too many times!
There was a brunnette and a redhead sitting next to each other at a baseball game. The brunette says “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”” Blonde replies “”Sure
Dr. Johnson
Once there was a lady who had small tits. Well on day she heard about this doctor called Dr. Johnson.So of course she went to see him. He told her how he could help, but she had second thoughts about doing it. He told her to pinch her tits and sing, ” mary had a little lamb. its fleece was white as snow. anywhere that mary went that lamb was sure to go””
Well sure enough she did
The Left or right?
A guy has been searching through Afghanastan, looking for Osama Bin Laden, until one day he finds him in a cave.
The guy pulls out his gun, and says “Which one do you want me to shoot off first
Talking Parrot
A man goes to the pet shop looking for a talking parrot. He walks up to the store manager and asks if they have any talking parrots. The manager replies with,”We only have one left. His name is Chet. If you put fire under him he will sing christmas carols.”” The man is interested so he pulls out his lighter. He holds up Chet’s left wing and starts up the lighter. “”Silent Night
Bill Cosby
One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class
that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday the teacher asks: “How many grains of sand are on the
beach?”” needless to say