DUM I TOLD HER IT WAS CHILLIE OUTSIDE SHE WENT IN GOT A BOWL
Author: admin
Magic Mountain Of Shit
One time three people a canadian, a american, and a chinise
person. heard about a mountain that if you jumped of it and
said something you’d land in it. So they decided they’d try it
when the got there the American jumped of it and yelled money
and landed in millions of dollars. then the canadian ran and
jumped off and he yelled hot naked woman and he landed in a pile
of hot naked woman. Finally the chinse guy ran for the edge and
tripped yelled SHIT and he landed in a pile of shit.
You might be a redneck if…
You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and you find a car.
Your momma
Your momma’s so bald headed, she curls her hair with rice.
Snail Beer
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says ‘Sorry we don’t serve snails’ and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says… ‘What did you do that for!’
an insult to yourself
read outloud
I
Am
Sofa
King
We
Todd
It
Lawyer One Liners #4
** What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.** What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won’t do.
Can’t George W. Bush
Q: Why can’t George W. Bush add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
A: He can’t find the 10 key.
An infamous stud
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood
bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him
if anything was wrong.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote
to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop doing his wife.”
“So stop!” the barkeep said.
“I can’t,” the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. “The jerk didn’t sign
his name!”
10 things to do on a golf course
1.when someone is in their back stroke, scream and fall
overblowhornscream swear words
2.Golf cart races
3.tape acceleration down on a golf cart
4.turn on the sprinklers
5.make a sand castle in the sand traps
6.set off weather siren on a sunny day
7.steal someone’s clubs one by one until they notice
8.steal a golf cart while someone is teeing off
9.take a really long time to putt. Refuse to let others play
through.
10.play the course backwards. Start with the 18th hole, then the
17th, 16th and so on.
A cats rendition of 12 days of xmas..
On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:Twelve bags of catnip!eleven tarter Pounce treats,ten ornaments hanging,nine wads of Kleenex,eight peacock feathers,seven stolen Q-tips,six feathered balls,five MILK JUG RINGS!four munchy house plants,three running faucets,two fuzzy mousies,and a hamste-e-er in a plastic ball!!
Bush Has Feelings To
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, “I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me.” Cheney reassured him by saying, “Jokes can’t hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I’ll show you what I mean.”Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, “Please take me to 261 M street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney. Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, “Oh, I guess I’m not there! Take us back to where we started, please.”The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to Dubya, “You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don’t worry about their opinions!”Bush said, “Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better.” Then he winked and whispered, “Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!