What do you see when the Pilsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts!
Author: admin
Get him off me or i’ll sue!
Q: What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
yo mama so fat…
yo mama so fat she has more chins than a chinese phone book.
Thermometer
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
Q: How many field
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Smoking after sex
Two gals lived next door to each other, and, were good friends. Every morning, after their husbands left for work and the kids were off to school, they would just relax and have coffee together, smoking and talking.
One morning, one turned to the other and said, “do you smoke after you’ve had sex?”
The friend looked a bit blank for a minute then responded, “Don’t know, never looked!!!”
After a bad accident
Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first…Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
Blind man
I was walking into the store the other day when I saw this blind man an his seeing eye dog. Suddenly, the man grabs the dogs leash, and starts swinging the dog around his head. I walked up and said ” Hey, what the hell are you doin”?
The blind man said ” Oh nothing, just lookin around.”
Brains
A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain.
So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse.
On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each.
On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each.
The brainless man asks why the price differece.
The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they’ve been used.
Lawyers Brains
A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it’s inoperable – in fact, it’s so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains – there’s a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, “This is a ripoff – how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?” The doctor replies, “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?”
Spanish Student
How did the Spanish student get pregnant?
Her professor told her to go do an essay.
Friar florists
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to “persuade” them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close shop!
Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that…
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis