Author: admin

Cannibals and Missionaries

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Two cannibals meet one day…

The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. Just can’t seem to get them tender.”

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?”

The reply, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Ah, Ha!” the second cannibal replies, “No wonder–those are fryers!”

A Christmas poem

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The stockings are hung on the chimneyAnd the presents are under the treeAnd mama’s in the kitchen making some herbal teaThe windows are covered with frostThe candles are all alight But as I wander through this quiet houseSomething just doesn’t seem rightYou see, every year the neighbors bring usA Swiss Colony beef logBut the neighbors aren’t aroundThere’s no beef log to be foundthis year Christmas isn’t ChristmasWithout a Swiss Colony beef logWithout those cheeses and meatsI don’t know how I’ll get along — from the South Park Christmas cd, “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics”

Little Johnny and His Gold Fish

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One day Little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His
neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “What are
you doing?” he asks. Little Johnny replies, “My goldfish died
and I’m burying him.” “That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish,
ain’t it?” asked the neighbor. Little Johnny shouts back,
“That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat!”

Irish girl confesses sins

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The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.””What is it, child?”The girl said, “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin – it’s only a mistake.”

Sandals

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This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.” So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”

The Pakistani man replied, “Just try them on.” Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years— raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy’s pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”

What Do You Think

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1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away from him and you have his shoes.

2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation….

3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

6. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

8. I have found at my age, going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

9. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should write “A very good doctor.”

I’d do anything!

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A student comes to a young professor`s office after hours.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

“I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything?”

“Yes, anything!”

His voice turns to a
whisper. “Would you…study?”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Una pareja ha ligado en

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Una pareja ha ligado en un bar; van r�pidamente al apartamento de uno de ellos y enseguida empiezan a follar apasionadamente. En esto, el t�o se fija en que cada vez que entra, la chica dobla las puntas de los dedos de los pies y cuando la saca los vuelve a enderezar. Sin darle mayor importancia, �l sigue en lo suyo, pero al acabar le pregunta a la chica por qu� hac�a eso.

“Es que no me diste tiempo para quitarme los pantis”.