Author: admin

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband
was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the
pharmacist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the pharmacist and demand an
apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him,
“Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to
go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to
the car, but I’ll be darned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car
keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast,
I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat
tire. When I finally got to the store, there was a bunch of people waiting for
me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and
all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll
of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change and they spilled all
over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the
phone is still ringing – when I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash
drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume
bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still
ringing with no let up; I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well,
Mister, I TOLD HER!!!”

These are responses you may use when caught slepping on the job:

“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”

“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me.”

“Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”

“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

“I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”

“I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress.”

“Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

“The coffee machine is broken…”

“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot…”

” … in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse whena visitor turned to the keeper and said, ‘That’s a docile old thing, isn’t it?”No way,’ said the keeper, ‘it’s the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.”Hardly seems possible,’ said the astonished visitor, ‘but why is it lying there licking its arse?”The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.’

A man once asked Gandhi what he thought of western civilization.
”I think it would be a good idea.”