Did you hear that the man who invented the Do Not Back Up, Severe Tire Damage
device is now working on a birth control invention?
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Isaiah!Isaiah who?Isaiah nothing
Knock KnockWho’s there?Isaiah!Isaiah who?Isaiah nothing till you open this door!
Patience will come to one
Patience will come to one who waits for it.
– Richard Lauterback
Moffett Naval Air Station, CA
Easter Bunnies
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Ether,
Ether Who?
The Ether Bunny
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Anna
Anna Who?
Annanother Ether Bunny
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Samoa
Samoa Who”
Samoa Ether Bunnys!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange Who?
ORANGE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THESE ETHER BUNNYS?!
Tips on Love
… From those who should know …all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED
“Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy,8)
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife” (Tom,5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike,9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
“Neveb kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally,9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them” (Lynette, 9)
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger,9)
“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE “
If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.”(Christine, 9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” (Dave, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ is on television.” (Anita, 6)
“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.”(Bobby, 8)
“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.”(Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava,8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU “
Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)
“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo,9)
“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad,8)
“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”
“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)
“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)
“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy, 8)
It’s not true that oysters
It’s not true that oysters make good aphrodisiacs. I tried a dozen once and
only six of them worked!
Q. Why do men die before their wives?…
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Do one brave thing today
Editor’s note: And, yes, I know that Penguins are only in the Southern hemisphere and polar bears are only in the Northern…
Also Note: Our “Send this Joke to A Friend” email thingy doesn’t transmit pictures. But if you see this in email, you can click on the link above!
MIT
The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from
MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue
their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their
recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567
Dear John:
You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you’ve
got a letter from MIT. Maybe you’re surprised. Most students would be. But
you’re not most students. And that’s exactly why I urge you to consider
carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator
that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my
attention!
Engineering’s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn
we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and
cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to
writing.
What? Of course, you don’t want to be bored. Who does? Life here is
tough and demanding, but it’s also fun. MIT students are imaginative and
creative – inside and outside the classroom.
You’re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than
almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody
can participate.
You think we’re too expensive? Don’t be too sure. We’ve got surprises for you
there, too.
Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this
unique institution? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions
P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “Insight,”
just check the appropriate box on the form.
Colvard’s Unconscionable Commentary: This
Colvard’s Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you’re attracted to.
Surplize, Surplize
Three guys, the American captain, an Australian and a Japanese guy are shipwrecked on an island. On reaching shore, the American asks the Australian to find a good spot for a camp. He turns to the Japanese guy and says to go into the bush and get supplies.’I’ll scout the island and we’ll meet at the camp at dusk,’ said the captain.The captain returns to find the Australian has set up camp but the Japanese guy hadn’t returned.’Where’s that Jap with the supplies?’ said the captain.The night passes and still there is no sign of the Jap with the supplies, so they go looking for him. They scout the whole island but can’t find him.Just as they are returning to camp, the Jap jumps out from behind a tree and shouts, ‘Surplize, surplize.’
Lumbar region
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.