Jokes on You, Teacher

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had
written the word ‘penis’ in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and
began her class.
The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
‘penis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day’s lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words, “The more you rub it, the bigger it
gets!”

Smart politicians

Kjell Magne Bondevik goes to Washington for a meeting with Bill Clinton.
After dinner, Bill says to Kjell ” Well Kjell, I don’t know what you think of
the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant.”
“How do you know?” asks Kjell Magne.
“Oh well, it’s simple”, says Bill. “They all have to take special tests before
they can be a minister. Wait a second”. He calls Madeleine Albright over and
says to her “Tell me Madeleine, who is the child of your father and of your
mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
Ah, that’s simple Mr. President”, says Madeleine, “it is me!”
“Well done Madeleine,” says Clinton and Kjell Magne Bondevik are very
impressed.

Kjell Magne Bondevik returns to Oslo and wonders about the
intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in Lars Sponheim and says:
“Lars, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not
your brother and is not your sister?”
Lars thinks and thinks and doesn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it a
bit further Kjell ? May I let you know tomorrow?”
“Of course,” says Bondevik, “you’ve got 24 hours.”
Lars Sponheim goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team, but
no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Lars is very worried – still no answer
and only 4 hours to go. Eventually Lars Sponheim says “I’ll ask Gudmund Restad,
he’s clever, he’ll know the answer.” He calls Restad.
“Gudmund,” he says, “tell me who is the child of your father and of your
mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
“Very simple”, says Gudmund, “it’s me!”
“Of course” says Lars and calls Kjell Magne Bondevik.
“Kjell Magne”, says Lars, “I’ve got the answer: it’s Gudmund Restad”.
“No you idiot”, says Bondevik, “it’s Madeleine Albright”.

Turpentine vs. Holy Water

A boy was sitting on the street corner in front of a catholic
church one day holding a bottle of turpentine. Then the pope
came out and asked him what he had in his hands.

The boy replied, “This is turpentine, the most powerful potion
in the world!”

Then the pope said, “I hate to dissagree with you boy but holy
water is the most powerful potion in the world. If you put it on
the belly of a pregnent woman then she will pass her baby right
away!”

The boy said, “Well, if you put this on a cat’s ass then it will
pass a motorcycle!”