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Taking a phone call in her bedroom, a woman replies, “That’s OK honey. No problem. I hope you have a good time. See you later”. Then she puts down the receiver.
“Who was that?”, asks the man lying besides her in bed.
“My husband”, she replies.
“What did he want?”
“Nothing, he said he would be home late tonight. He’s somewhere shooting pool with you and some other colleagues”.
En un convento en el que reina la espiritualidad y la calma, recibe la Madre Superiora a una novicia que le dice:
“Madre, tengo un problema y quiero confesar…”
“Cu�ntame, hija, �qu� te pasa?”
“Pues, que estoy embarazada…”
“�Eso como va a ser!, dice la Superiora. �Como ha sido?”
“Pues… no lo se, la verdad… �que puedo hacer?”
“Mira hija, vas a hacer lo siguiente: te vas a tu casa durante 9 meses, tienes el ni�o, lo dejas con alguien que pueda atenderlo y regresas, con lo que ser�s perdonada.”
“Muy bien, Madre, as� lo har�.”
Total que se va la novicia y al cabo de una semana recibe a otra con el mismo problema.M isma penitencia.
Y durante 6 meses todas las novicias del convento con el mismo tema. La Superiora, asustada re�ne a todas las monjas de edad avanzada y les dice:
“Hijas m�as, ya sabeis lo que ha acontecido estos �ltimos meses con nuestras j�venes novicias… yo tambi�n tengo una mala noticia… �estoy embarazada! pero no os preocupeis que har� lo mismo que vuestras compa�eras, ir� a casa, tendr� el ni�o y volver�… pero antes quiero enterarme qui�n es el HIJO DE PUTA que se corre encima de las velas!”
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home. “First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Two friends are out squirrel hunting whennthey encounter an angry bear. The bear is coming toward them and they know they can’t stop it with their squirrel guns.
The first hunter says “What are you going to do?
The second hunter says “I’m going to run like hell”
The first hunter says “Are you crazy? You can’t outrun a bear!
The second hunter says “I don’t have to outrun that bear. I only have to outrun YOU!
Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t
understand.
If Silicon Graphics ran Christmas…Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the ornaments would be prettier than most all the others. Options would be available for ‘equalization’ of color combinations on the tree.
There was a blonde, a burnette, and a redhead.They all entered a hunting contest.The winner won $500.So the redhead went out found some tracks followed the tracks came back with a 250 pound bear.Then the burnette went out found some tracks followed the tracks came back with a 275 pound bear.The blonde had to beat 275 so she went out and found some tracks and followed the tracks came back with a broken leg and arm and no teeth.The judge asked “what happened” the blonde said “I found some tracks followed the tracks and got hit by a train.”
Q: What’s the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket…
that the last time she saw 98765 was on the scale
yo mama so fat, that she couldnt jump to conclusion
Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!