There is only one way to kill capitalism: taxes, taxes, and more
taxes.
Author: admin
CIA
You have reached the private secure CIA hotline.
This call has been traced, and you may expect 30 angry agents to kick down your door at any moment.
[BEEP]Todas las ma�anas una monjita
Todas las ma�anas una monjita iba por el parque caminando junto a un grupo de pupilas, cuando de repente divis� a la distancia a un hombre acostado en el piso completamente desnudo. Ella pens� que sus alumnas no deb�an ver ese cuadro y decidi� sacrificar su pudor, sent�ndose sobre el hombre y cubri�ndolo con su h�bito. Al rato de estar sentada, se sinti� “iluminada” y as� les dec�a:
Ay Santa Rosa, como se llama esta cosa.
Ay San Arturo, parece que algo est� duro.
Ay San Fernando, siento algo que est� entrando.
Ay San Vicente, es algo caliente.
Ay San Benito, esto si que es bonito.
Ay San Rolando, siento que me estoy mojando.
Ay Santo Tom�s, ya no aguanto m�s.
Ay Santa Eternidad, perd� la virginidad.
Ay San Clemente, que no se entere la gente.
Ay San Pancracio, que me lo saque despacio.
Ay Madre Amada, �No quedar� pre�ada?
Ay San Formento, �no vuelvo m�s al Convento!
David Letterman’s Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle
10. Being told to “think outside the box” when you’re in a friggin’ box all day long.
9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who’s behind you.
8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you’ll get a piece of cheese.
6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.
4. 23 power cords – 1 outlet.
3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.
2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.
1.You can’t walk out and slam the door when you quit.
Mushroom Management…
- Mushroom Management
- Keep your employees in the dark and occasionally throw shit at them.
pick up line
every one has a hobbie right….well your mine
Top 11 Excuses
11. Excuse me “Your Honor”, but she was on top
10. I didn’t want people to confuse me with the Pope on TV
9. She’s not THAT young. In Arkansas, the age of consent is only 16
8. Hey, At least she’s prettier than Paula Jones or Gennifer Flowers
7. I had to show the American People that I WASN’T impotent for my second term
in office
6. I was jealous of Nixon with his ‘Tricky Dick” nickname
5. I didn’t leave a message on her voicemail. Get with it. This is the 90’s, I
sent her E-MAIL!
4. See I’m not a Lame duck. She said I was pretty GOOD!
3. My real name is not William Jefferson Clinton. It’s William KENNEDY
Clinton.
2. I couldn’t control myself. It was genetic. I was in her jeans — oops, I
mean it was in my genes.
AND for those of you who remember the famous “I DIDN’T INHALE” comes the now
soon to be famous #1 excuse…
1. “I didn’t insert!”
How Men Work
This list is a general disclaimer for any wives or girlfriends who happen upon a copy of this:1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.4) When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.5) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.6) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.5) If you don’t like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven’t hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.6) I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.7) Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.8) Don’t ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.9) If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished.It’s only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.10) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.11) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
Blowing Smoke Rings
Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, “My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings.”
The second little boy pipes up, “Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his ears.”
The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, “My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt.”
“Really, have you seen it?” ask the boys.
The third boy responds, “No, but I’ve seen the tobacco stains on his underwear.”
Prostitute at bar
A man stops off at a bar after work to have a couple of drinks. He starts talking to this woman, and even though the guy is married, he thinks she is so fine that he agrees to go back to her place.When he gets to her place, he finds out that she is a prostitute and that she wants $75.”Forget it,” the man says, “you never told me you were a prostitute.” “But I do have $10 on me, will you take that?””You won’t get any decent prostitute for that,” the hooker says. She throws the guy out.Later that night, the man and his wife go out to dinner. While they are eating, the same prostitute who happens to also be eating there recognizes the guy.She comes up to him and says, “See, I told you.” “Look at the kind of trash you’ll pick up for $10.”
En los tiempos antiguos, un
En los tiempos antiguos, un caballero se va a las Cruzadas y se despide de sus familiares y amigos:
“Como vuestras mercedes saben, me voy a luchar a Tierra Santa para mayor gloria de la cristiandad, y es muy posible que no vuelva. �sta es la llave del cintur�n de castidad de mi esposa, si pasaren 10 a�os sin que supiereis nada de m�, tened la merced de d�rsela”.
El hidalgo sale del castillo en su blanco corcel y apenas ha cruzado la puerta del castillo, cuando un sirviente sale corriendo y le grita:
“�Don Diego, noble se�or, gracias a Dios que le he alcanzado, nos ha dado la llave equivocada!”
Perverted sex
What do you call a man who has sex with his mom?A MOTHER FUCKER!