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En un bufete de abogados se contrata a una nueva secretaria, que resulta ser una chica de pueblo bastante inocente. Un d�a dos de los abogados est�n hablando de ella:
“Con lo buena que esta Mar�a, me preocupa que se la pueda aprovechar alg�n buitre. Creo que deber�amos hablar con ella para explicarle las cosas buenas y malas de la vida en la ciudad.”
“Listo, t� le explicas las cosas buenas.”
Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?A: The knocking gets slower.
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
A guy looking for a job finds that a certain mill is hiring
lumberjacks. So he goes out to the mill and talks to the foreman
who tells him all about the job, pay, and housing for all of the
lumberjacks. Everything looks perfect and the guy is ready to go
to work at once.
But when he was walking around he noticed that there weren’t any
women around. So he pulls the foreman aside and asks him what
everyone does for sex. The foreman laughs and brings him over to
this big tree that has a hole in it. “This is the fucking tree.
Whenever you get horny, come over and put your dick in the hole
and fuck away. Trust me, it does the trick every time.” The man
thinks it’s kind of odd, but takes the job anyway.
The days go by and soon the man gets horny. He thinks about
taking it out on the tree, but it still seems weird to him, so
he goes to his room and jacks off. A week passes and the guy
gets hornier and hornier and jacking off isn’t enough for him.
So finally he figures, “What the hell,” and sneaks over to the
fucking tree in the middle of the night, whips out his dick and
puts it in the hole. To his surprise, it feels great! Soon
enough he starts to fuck the shit out of it. After a great
session he goes back to bed with a big smile.
The next day after a hard day of work, he makes another visit to
the tree and it’s even better this time. Again he pounds away at
the tree. He can’t believe how amazing the tree is and wonders
what kind of magic tree they have. Things just couldn’t get
better for him.
The following day, he runs to the tree after work, hurriedly
takes out his dick and puts it into the sweet warm fucking tree.
The tree just gets better and better everyday. He goes at it
again, and afterwards can hardly walk.
The next day all he can think about is going back to the fucking
tree. Every tree that he cuts down is one less tree in his way
of the fucking tree. Finally the day is done, and he takes off
for the tree. Pulls out his dick, grabs hold of the tree, and
shoves it in. Nothing. The man is shocked. He tries again, but
still nothing. Feeling very frustrated, the man storms off to
the foreman. “What’s wrong with the fucking tree? I’ve been
there three times already and it’s been better each time, but
today, I ran up to it, stuck my dick in and nothing happened.
What the hell happened?” The foreman thinks for a second and
then says, “Oh yeah, I know, didn’t they tell you? Today’s your
day in the tree.”
Three ladies walk into a bar, each sits on a stool. All start
chattering, you know girl talk. Then, one says, “my pussy’s so
loose my boyfriend can stick his fist up it.” The second says,
“my pussy’s so loose, my boyfriend can stick both of his fist in
mine.” The third lady laughs and slides down the bar stool.
Don’t look back, they might be gaining on you.
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas
station attendant?
Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the
nozzle and spray gas all over the car.
Q. Why doesn’t Barbie have babies?
A. Ken comes in a different box!
Red Buttons, appearing on Dennis Miller’s Show, announced he was 80 years old but that 80 is not “old.” Red explained: “Old” is when your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
I went out with my girlfriend and asked her, ‘Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?’ ‘Because I’m a prostitute.’
One day two cactuses were driving down the road. They passed a
car with two really hot cantaloupes so one of the cactuses rolls
down the window and yells “Hey! Nice melons!” The driver
cantaloupe turns to her friend and says, “What a couple of
pricks.”