a guy with a huge bruse on his face walks into a bar. the bartender pours him a drink and asks him what happened to you.
he replied ” i came home early from work and found my wife screwing another man. so i called her a two bit whore. then she whacked with a sack a quarters!!!!”
Author: admin
Cast the first stone!
Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob
around her preparing to stone her to death.
Jesus stops them and says, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!”
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress
and blasts her right in the head.
At which point Jesus looks over and says…
“Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!”
St. Peter
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters.
The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment.
The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, “I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.”
St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”
Diet Coke…
- Diet Coke (noun)
- A drink you buy at the convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&M’s
Yo mama is so short
Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
Esta Jes�s en la Cruz.
Esta Jes�s en la Cruz. Mira a la derecha y chista:
“Psst, vos, ladr�n”.
El ladr�n lo mira receloso y pregunta:
“�Qu� quer�s, Jes�s?”
“Ven�, ven�, acercate”.
“Pero, Jes�s, no ves que yo tambi�n estoy clavado”.
“Bueno, est� bien”.
Y se da vuelta y llama al otro ladr�n. El ladr�n lo mira y le pregunta qu� pasa.
“Ven�, acercate un poco”.
“Pero, Jes�s, no te das cuenta que no me puedo mover?”
Entonces Jes�s, ya enojado, les previene:
“Bueno, se joden los dos. Salgo yo solo en la estampita”.
Telly-Ban
Why were there no in flight movies on the September 11 planes ?
‘Cause there was a Telly Ban
Measurement of a Pole
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick. He’s standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak’s ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, “There! 10 feet long.”
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, “You idiot American!
I don’t care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!”
nock nock…
nock nock
Dinner with the Pres
Gore and Bush were in a restaurant ordering brunch. The waitress asks Gore what he would like to order. After looking at the menu, Al says, “I would like Eggs Benedict.” The waitress says, “Fine, and what will you have Governor Bush?” Perusing the menu, George says, “Well, I think I’d like to have a quickie.” Taken aback, the waitress responds, “Why Gov. Bush, that’s awful, and you’re not even President yet!” Then Gore leans over and whispers into Bush’s ear, “George, that’s pronounced ‘quiche.'”Bush responds – “Hey, you order what you want and I’ll order what I want.”
Crossing Women Riddle
What do you have when you combine 50 women with a yeast infection in a room with 50 women suffering from PMS?
–A wine & cheese party!
Blonde gullibility
how many blonde jokes are there?
none because theyre all true..