A couple went to a certain nude resort for their honeymoon. The
husband fell asleep as he was tanning himself on the beach. When he woke,
his “tool”, shall we say, was red and respectably sunburned. As it itched
and hurt quite a bit, he went back to the cabin to find something to cool it
with. When he got back to his cabin, he opened the refrigerator, and to his
dismay, there was no ice, no water, nothing with which to cool his “tool”,
only a quart of milk. Being desparate, he poured the milk in to a glass,
and stuck his dong in it to cool it. At that moment,
his wife walked in. Taking a look at her naked husband and the strategic
placement of the glass of milk, she exclaimed, “Aha! So that’s how you
reload!”
Author: admin
Railway station
A couple goes on vacation. They are on the railway station with big mountains
of luggage and the husband says:
– We should have taken our piano.
– Very funny.
– Yes, we have left out tickets on it.
This vet must belong to an HMO!
A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.
Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.
The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a �meow�, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.
The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.�
Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”
“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.
“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.
“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”
Estas son las leyes m�s
Estas son las leyes m�s importantes que uno debe tomar en cuenta antes, durante y despu�s de que se descomponga la computadora.
BUENOS Y MALOS TRABAJOS
– Para que una computadora haga un trabajo bien tiene que destruir dos trabajos importantes.
– Si no se cuenta con trabajos importantes destruir� dos de los trabajos de mayor tama�o.
– Si no hay trabajos en absoluto destruir� dos de las aplicaciones m�s importantes.
– Si no hay aplicaciones importantes destruir� la estructura del sistema operativo.
– Si no hay sistema operativo es un televisor, no una computadora.
INTERNET
– La posibilidad de encontrar virus en Internet es la de encontrar bacterias en tu culo.
– La informaci�n falsa en Internet se duplica cada segundo que pasa.
a) Hay demasiada informaci�n falsa en Internet, pero nosotros creemos que la nuestra siempre es verdadera.
b) Si sigue multiplic�ndose la informaci�n para el a�o 2010 ninguna b�squeda tendr� sentido.
– Siempre que olvidas la contrase�a para entrar a Internet es porque olvidaste d�nde demonios dejaste el saco donde guardaste el papel en el que la anotaste.
CAPACIDAD
– La computadora trabaja con los programas como una carreta: mientras tiene cosas mejores y grandes, m�s huevos te toma levantarla.
FUNCIONAMIENTO
– El funcionamiento de la computadora depende de la fuerza con que le sueltes los porrazos.
– Si la computadora no responde es ya sea porque hiciste algo bien o porque la golpeaste demasiado.
… Y recuerden, la computadora es como una mujer: si le das m�s y mejores cosas menos caso te va a hacer.
Bus Full of Politicians
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. “So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer. “Were they all dead?”
The farmer answered, “Some said they weren’t, but you know how politicians lie.”
Will Rogers On Men
How could Will Rogers say, “I never met a man I didn’t like”?
He never had to date one.
Heart transplant
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.”
“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.
“It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
“I think a secure profession for young people…
“I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because
in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach.”
– Bill Muse
Knock Knock 27
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bolton!
Bolton who?
Bolton the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bolzano!
Bolzano who?
Bolzano the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don’t cry it’s only a joke!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Borg!
Borg who?
Borg out of my mind!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Brad!
Brad who?
Brad news I’m afraid!
Black Man and His Parrot
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The
bartender asks, “Hey, where did you get that from?”
The parrot replies, “There’s thousands of ’em in Africa.”
Jurassic lesbians??!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur??………… …….. Lickalotapus!!
Yo mamas
yo mamas so bald mr.cleans jealous.
yo mamas so fat she jumped in the ocean and the whales said we are family.
yo mamas so dumb the weather man said it would be chilly out and she went out with a bowl and spoon and said wheres my chilly.
yo mamas so fat she saw a yellow car and said theres my twinkie