I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick
you when you’re down will be the ones who do.
Author: admin
3 Gals
THREE WOMEN — ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
“THAT WAS MY PAGER,” SHE SAID. “I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.”
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, “THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.”
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, “WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M GETTIN’ A FAX!
Submitted by NCrespi
Edited by Curtis and Yisman
Wheelbarrow position
After hearing a couple’s complaints that their intimate life wasn’t what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position.
“For example,” he suggested, “you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go.”
The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home.
“Well, okay,” the hesitant wife agreed, “but on two conditions.
First if it hurts, you will stop right away, and second…” she continued, “you have to promise we won’t go past my mother’s.”
Ain't She Cute?
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) “Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled… isn’t she adorable?”Friend: “But your kid didn’t smile.”Father: “I was talking about the nurse.”
Una prostituta va donde el
Una prostituta va donde el m�dico porque se sent�a muy mal.
“Mire, doctor, me duele la cabeza, el pecho, las nalgas, tengo fiebre…
“Bueno, bueno resp�ndame una pregunta: “�En periodo de regla usted tiene mucha p�rdida?”
“Doctor puede que sea eso, porque la verdad es, que las perdidas son de 200 a 300 d�lares.”
Having puppies
A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blond are sitting in a doctors office, talking about what sex of child they are going to have. The Brunette says “I am going to have a boy because I was on top when having sex.” The Redhead replied “I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom while having sex.” Then the Blond says hesterically ” Oh my God, I am going to have puppies.”
Why do hummingbirds hum
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words.
Clinton is declaring a new National Bird
Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird? It’s going to be the
spread eagle.
Frigid
How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?
When you open her legs the lights go on.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Turtle
Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A: Once they are on their backs, there screwed.
The moment of truth!
A man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up, to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way, that he breaks the other man’s heart.
The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say:
– Oh why? Why did you have to die!? Why did you go?
And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying:
-Oh why did you die!? Why did you go so soon?
Intringued, the other guy goes to him and says:
I’m so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you?
Who is the person you are crying over so desperately, he asks, in compassion?
That’s my wife’s third husband, comes the reply, between sobs.
I’m number four…..
In the navy
‘Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and…’ Mummy tells him to
slow down. She wants to hear the stop, so Little Johnny tells her.
‘I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt
Jane.
`I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then
Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy’
At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on
Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.’
At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts
his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down
on the seat and ‘… then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and
Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.’