Did you hear that Santa is getting a divorce?
He got caught laying a doll under the tree last year.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Author: admin
London
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row
A Brief Visit to the Doctor
A man and his wife went to the doctor’s office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, ”What?” Again, the doctor said, ”I need a blood, urine and feces sample.”The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear: ”Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!”
Avant-Garde….
Avant-Garde.
– a French chastity belt.
Why did the blonde h
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.
Funniest joke goin
Britney spears craig david and shaggy were on a plane and someone farts craig david says i’m walking away shaggy says it wasint me and britney spears says opp’s i did it again
the next day they are on a plane and someone farts shaggy says it wasnt me craig david says i;m walking away and britney spears says stronger than yesterday.
To the Dump
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring
back more than you took.
Programmer Guffaws
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware problem!
52 Days!
Three blondes walk into a bar, order 10 beers, chug one down and start dancing and chanting 52 days. Two more walk in and chug down a beer, and also start chantin. Four more walk in and do the same. At this point the bartender gets confused. One more blonde walks in and is holding a framed jigsaw puzzle with the cookie monster on it. Finally the bartender cannot hold his confusion any longer and says ” Excuse me for asking but why are you all doing this?”
“Well,” Says one Blonde, “We are tired of the typical stereotypes about blondes, so we decided to do something about it. We all got together and bought this puzzle and put it together in a mere 52 days. But on the side of the box, it says 3-5 years!”
The Guardian Angel Mistake
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on
the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she
sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and
explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days
and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in
and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years
she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last
operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, “I thought you
said I had another 30-40 years!!”
The angel replies, “Sorry. I didn’t recognize you.”
R U A Real Cowboy?
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences… I guess I am,” replied the cowboy.
After a short while he asked her what she was.
“I’ve never been on a ranch so I’m not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women,” told the young woman.
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
“Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian!”
No matter what happens, there
No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.