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A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.”
The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.”
And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. “Darn, he recognized me,” she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed “How do you know I’m a blonde?” “Because”, he replied, “that’s a microwave.
What did the bag of chips say to the battery?
I’m Frito Lay if you’re Everready.
Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
A: To break on through to the other side.
1.Who does a vampire love?
the girl necks-door!
2.Docter, Docter I keep thinking im a bridge what on earth has come over you? 3 Trucks 5 vans and 18 cars!
3.Docter, Docter how do I stop my nose from running? Stick your foot out an trip it up!
Many colleges and business’s tend to strip the last name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or
end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson =
mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the
problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people
to choose from.
Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have
some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individualinvolved,
however:
TOP TEN Actual E-mail Addresses
===============================
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) – [email protected]
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) – [email protected]
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) –
[email protected]
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) –
[email protected]
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) – [email protected]
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) –
[email protected]
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) – [email protected]
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) – [email protected]
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,
Overton
Canada) – [email protected]
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys “R” Us) – [email protected]
The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.
First Pupil: “I visited my Nana.”
Teacher: “Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother.”
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo.”
Teacher: “Please, you had a ride on a train.”
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time.”
Teacher: “Excellent. And what was the name of the book?”
Third Pupil, with a big grin: “Winnie The Shit!”
What is the difference between O.J. Simpson and the Lion King?
One’s an African Lion and the other is a Lying African,
A man is in the hospital and he gets a hard on and it is 6 feet in the air. So he hits the button for the nurse. She finally comes in and he tells her there is a fly on the end of his dick and he can’t reach it. So she tries and can’t reach it. So she finally decides to climb it so she climbs and is almost st the top and she slides all the way down. She tries again and slides back down. Ny now she is getting frustrated and tries again. And she slides back down. She tells the man she will try 1 more time and he says ” nurse, if you climb your sweet ass up one more time I will shoot that sonovabitch off
how is a blonde and a pool table alike? you put in fifty cents and they rack your balls
“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.””I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.”It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the church goer. “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”
May’s Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)