“People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we’re finished
fighting there. I’m sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of
times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes
the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan,
Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan.”
Author: admin
Blondes and Beer In Hell
A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer.
He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place.
“Well,” said the demon, “the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes don’t!”
To steal ideas from one
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Your mommas fat body
your mother so fat that when she puts her lip stick on she has to use a paint roller!
Just Keep Drinking!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, �Quick pour me twelve drinks.� So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, �Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast.� The guys says, �Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I’ve got.� The bartender says, �What’ve you got?� The guy says, �75 cents.�
Aussie Tossie
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, “I’m watching you.”
A watch dog
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
The Prostitute and the Koala
There was a koala bear who was approached by a prostitute one
day. He had never been with a prostitute before. Curious and
excited, Koala spent the night with her and had a GREAT
time……
The next morning, he went down on her one last time before
departing. After he was done, Koala headed for the door and was
about to leave when the prostitute yelled, “hey……..what
about my money?”
Confused, the Koala turned around, gave her a puzzled look,
shrugging his shoulders, and replied “Huh?”
“Come here…..” she said and pulled a dictionary out of her
purse. She pointed to the word “prostitute” and its definition:
“has sex and gets paid.”
Finally understanding, the koala borrowed her dictionary, turned
to the word Koala and showed her its definition: “eats bush and
leaves.”
Peace in the Middle East
George Bush was jogging along the beach when he came upon a
Genie’s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it around, and
lo-and-behold a Genie appeared! George was amazed and startled,
and asked the genie if he got three wishes? “No,” said the genie
“I’m afraid that due to constant down sizing, world stock market
volatility, fierce global competition, deflation and low wages
in Asian countries, I can only grant you but one wish sir. So
please, what will it be?”
George didn’t hesitate. He said, “There is something near and
dear to my heart; I would like to see peace in the Middle East.
Here, see this map? I want all these countries to stop fighting
and make peace among them.”
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, man! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. The hatred
among them runs deep. Many have tried and failed at what you
ask. I’m good but not THAT good. I just don’t think it can be
done. Please, could you make another wish?”
George thought for a minute, and then said, “Well you know,
people just don’t like my wife Barbara. They think she’s bad
tempered, has a big butt, and pushes me around too much. I wish
for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and have
everybody really like her. OK, that’s what I want.”
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “George, let me see that
map again!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Maybelle!Maybelle who?Maybelle doesn’t
Knock KnockWho’s there?Maybelle!Maybelle who?Maybelle doesn’t ring either!
3 Weddings
Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,” the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. “Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”