There people die, person 1, person 2, and person 3.Persons 2 and
3 saw person 1 walking with this really ugly guy/girl. they said
eeewwww. Why are you walking with that really ugly guy/gurl.
Person 1 said its my punishment for walking on the clouds. The
Next day they saw person 3 walking with this really ugly
guy/girl. they asked why are you walking with that really ugly
guy/girl. He/She answered with thats my punishment for walking
on the clouds. Then the next day persons 1 and 3 saw person 2
walking with this really fine guy/girl. They said why are you
walking with that fine guy/girl. they guy/girl replied its my
punishment fot walking on the clouds
Author: admin
Thoughtfulness
The regular foursome teed off on time that Saturday morning. On the second
hole Joe noticed a funeral procession going by and stopped, held his hat over
his heart and bowed his head. His partners noticed and complimented Joe on his
thoughtfulness. “She was a good wife for 40 years,” replied Joe.
Lets Get Kinky
One day grandpa says to grandma “Why don’t we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?” So they get to the motel and go into the room. Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it’s been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard. Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. “My God woman” he says “you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!”
Men are like…..vacations
Men are like…..Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Doing Laundry
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie’s. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”
“Well,” says Sophie, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”
“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.
“Honey,” says Sophie, “on a day like *that*, you don’t do the *laundry*!”
4 floors knocking
Somewhere in the city there was a small apartment building. there were four floors and 1 person lived on each floor.On the first floor there lived a police man. Everybody could tell it was him at the door because he knocked once.On the second floor there lived a fire man. Everybody could tell it was him at the door because he knocked twice.On the third floor there lived a blind man. Everybody could tell it was him at the door because he knocked three times.On the Fourth floor there lived a woman. Everybody could tell it was her at the door because she knocked four times.one day the woman was in the shower and she heard one knock at the door. She put on her robe and answered the door. It was the police man. He said “guess what! guess what! I just made my first arrest!” Then he left and the woman went back in the shower.Then she heard two knocks at the door. so she put on her robe and answered the door. It was the fire man. He said “guess what! guess what! i just saved a person from a burning building!” then he left and she went back in the shower.A while later she heard 3 knocks at the door. She knew it was the blind man, so she didn’t put on her robe and she answered the door. He said “guess what! guess what! I just got might sight back!===== From Cara 🙂
The Top 12 In-Ring Putdowns by Wrestler Bill “The Bard” Shakespeare
12> “Fat-kidneyed rascal, thine canker’d countenance shall kiss the cold earth anon!”
11> “What warrior doth tread distant battlefields unshod, his footwear relinquish’d to her whose loins begat thee?”
10> “But, soft! What stench through yonder buttocks breaks?”
9> “As thy wife for me last e’en did bend, So shall thy legs before thee at match’s end!”
8> “Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst thine is adhesive.”
7> “Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell’d by manly cord?”
6> “Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!”
5> “Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden.”
4> “Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory.”
3> “Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow.”
2> “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!”
1> “Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash’d.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
You’ll get yours…
A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last night’s dream. “I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10.”
Husband: “What about one my size?”
Wife: “Didn’t get a bid!”
The husband wants revenge, so next morning he tells his wife about his last night’s dream.
“I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one’s sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10.”
Wife: “What about ones like mine?”
Husband: “That’s where they held the auction.
Yo mama is so ugly…
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said
“Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a
treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla
cookies.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her
ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for
Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the
surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to
get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own
projects.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12
hours for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Danson wouldn’t date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the
pound.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so
that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a
scarecrow
Yo mama so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water
Yo mama so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out
with an application
Yo mama so ugly she look like she fell out the ugly tree and hit
every limb on the way down.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks by a toilet it flushes itself.
Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped her mom
Yo mama so ugly that when she stcks her head out of the car
window the police say “No dogs allowed to drive!”
Yo mama so ugly I’ve seen better face on a can of dog food
Yo mama so ugly I flushed the toilet and she said “You just
flushed my picture”
Yo mama so ugly she asked me what my sign was I said “stop”
Yo mama so ugly the tide wouldn’t take her out
Yo mama so ugly she makes her picture every time she goes to the
bathroom
Yo mama so ugly when she takes a shower it’s like “Gorillas in
the Mist”
Yo mama so ugly ugly when she put her ear to her bowl of rice
crispies to hear snap, crackle, pop, all she could hear was
“lets get the hell out of here”
Yo mama so ugly when she goes camping the bears light a fire to
keep HER away!
Yo mama so ugly she wears her halloween mask everyday.
Yo mama so ugly she made profit for the “idea” of her costume!
Yo mama so ugly when she goes Halloween shoppin’, People try to
buy her!
Yo mama so ugly when she can scare a hungry bulldog off the back
of a meatwagon.
Yo mama so ugly when the doctor gave her a face lift, he got a
hernia.
Yo mama so ugly when she played in the sandbox, the cat tried to
cover her up.
Yo mama so ugly she models for Kibbles and Bitts.
Yo mama so ugly when she was born they slapped the wrong end.
His last request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”She says, “Aye, that he did, Father… The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”She says, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that dang gun…'”
The Top 15 Law Firms to Avoid (Part I)
15> Folsom, Leavenworth & Joliet 14> Woalike, Lawzerlike, Hardenstuf 13> Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc & Associates 12> Showe, Meida, Mohney 11> Lee, Thulin, Jeck, Shunn 10> M. B. Lance Chaser, P.A. 9> Hucster, Connman & Griftur 8> Benden, Spreddemin, Priszinn 7> Azseen, Ahnteevee & Associates 6> laW-Mart 5> Hal, Burton, Arthur, Anderson & Ron 4> Levin, Laveida, Lowka 3> Liva, Fahva & Kiyanti 2> Pompas, Sacov, Lye & Shitt 1> Skruda, Witt, Ness & Gottis-Bard [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
People have one thing in
People have one thing in common: they are all different.