Why cant witches have babies?
Cause their husbands have halloweenies.
Author: admin
Dissuasion!
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; “Don’t reject the guy outright.” So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara.”
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, “No problem!! I buy. I buy.”
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France.”
The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build, I build.”
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis.”
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he’s muttering something in Chinese. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I cut. I cut!”
Wife’s?
“In some countries,” said the geography teacher, “Men are allowed more than one wife. That’s called polygamy.”
“In other countries, women are allowed more than one husband. That’s called polyandry.”
“In this country, men and women are allowed only one married partner.”
“Can anyone tell me what that’s called?”
A student replied, “Monotony, sir!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
My daughter is your reward
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!” As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed. He said, “My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?” The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!”
Get Your Ire Up
Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was a sissy?””Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye.”The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn’t worked. The second decided to try.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?””Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye.”The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn’t worked. The third man knew he had the solution.”Did y’know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?””Oh, no. But that’s what y’r friends hae been trying to tell me.”
Urinal Test
Did you hear about the Aggie that was up all night studying for his urinal test?
Old…But In Love
An old man went to the doctor. He said, “Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me. My wife and I are not getting the same amount of pleasure from sex that we used to.”. The doctor looked at the wrinkled old man in surprise, and said, “Can I ask you how old you are, sir?”. “I’m 87.”, said the old man. “87!”, exclaimed the doctor, “How old is your wife?”. “She’s 92.”, was the reply. The doctor was astonished by this, and said, “So let me make sure that I understand this right. You are 87, and your wife is 92 and you are worried that you don’t get as much pleasure from sex as you used to?”. “That is correct.” said the old man, “What can you do to help me?”. “Well,” said the doctor, “when did you first notice this problem?”.
The old man looked thoughtful, “I noticed it first last night, but then twice this morning.”
Australian Love Poem
OF COURSE I LOVE YA DARLING
YOU’RE A BLOODY TOP NOTCH BIRD
AND WHEN I SAY YOU’RE GORGEOUS
I MEAN EVERY SINGLE WORD
SO YA BUM IS ON THE BIG SIDE
I DONT MIND A BIT OF FLAB
IT MEANS THAT WHEN I’M READY
THERES SOMETHIN THERE TO GRAB
SO YOUR BELLY ISNT FLAT NO MORE
I TELL YA, I DONT CARE
SO LONG AS WHEN I CUDDLE YA
I CAN GET MY ARMS AROUND THERE
IM TELLIN YA THE TRUTH NOW
I NEVER TELL YA LIES
I THINK ITS VERY SEXY
THAT YOUV GOT DIMPLES ON YA THIGHS
I SWEAR ON ME NANNAS GRAVE NOW
THE MOMENT THAT WE MET
I THOUGHT U WAS AS GOOD AS
I WAS EVER GONNA GET
NO MATTER WOT U LOOK LIKE
ILL ALWAYS LOVE YA DEAR
NOW SHUT UP WHILE THE FOOTYS ON
AND GET ME ANOTHER BEER!…..8 )
This is bad…real bad!
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
“Is this yours?” he asked.
She said, “Yes, could you bring it up?” and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed.
Shortly afterwards she said, “I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty; would you like to join me?” He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, “I’ve had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?”
The man hesitated then said, “Do you act like this with every man you meet?”
“No,” she replied, “Only those who catch my eye!”
Not getting any
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
All things being equal, all
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
Middle name
The purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.