Author: admin

Little Girls’ Names

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A nice man walks past a house and sees three girls sitting on
their front porch. He stops and says to the first little girl,
“Hello little girl, what’s your name?” She replies, “My name is
Petal, because when my mother was pregnant with me, a petal
landed on her tummy.” The man said, “That’s so sweet!”

To the next girl he asks, “Little girl, what’s your name?” The
girls says, “My name is Feather, because when my mother was
pregnant with me, a feather landed on her tummy.” He again
praises the cute young girl.

The man looks to the third girl who seems very dazed with her
eyes to the sky and her mouth open wide drooling. He says as
kindly as he can, “And you little girl, what’s your name?” The
girl replies in a very drawled out tone, “mayyyy nayyyme uzzzz
peyannnno.”

The corn dog

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there once was three bums out side of a resterant. Two of the bums dared one of the bums to go in and beg for food. He goes inside and sees a lady. He goes up to her and begs for food she says only if you fuck me in the back room. He says ok. when they get thier he really did not want to do it so he looks to the side and sees some corn dogs she turned around he stuck the corn dog in her ass she said oh brcause she thought it was his dick she said do that again so he did it again he through them out the window because thay came out red so he got all he can eat he went out side and he said guys i got all i can eat they said so we got two condogs with katchup!

Who Wants To Win An Iraqi Oil Well Contest

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“WHO WANTS TO WIN AN OIL WELL”.

This is how the game is played. A contestant will be required to pick the correct answer out of 4 possible answers. For each correct answer chosen, a contestant wins money. There are 16 steps to winning the oil well. From 1 through 15, the contestant wins a monetary price. The final question, number 16, if answered correctly, wins the contestant an oil well in Iraq. If at any level you fail to correctly answer a question or are unable to answer a question, you automatically are eliminated from the contest.

A contestant has three life lines to use at any time during the contest, and the life lines may used in any combination at any time. The life lines are:

(A) Ask the studio audience.

(B) Use a 50/50 , in which case two wrong answers are removed from the four answers.

(B) Phone a friend for help.

Host: Our first contestant is Georgie Boy. Welcome to the show, Georgie Boy. What do you do for a living? Do you want to win an oil well?

Georgie Boy: Thank you. I live in the White House. You bet I want to win an oil well.

Host: Aha, that is quite a job, living in the White House. Well, Georgie Boy, lets get down with the show.

Question #1: Which of the following statements is an accurate representation of democracy in America?

Answers:

a) government of the people, by the people, for the people.

b) government of the people, by a few, for the greedy.

c) government of the people, by a few, against the people.

d) government of the people, by George Bush, for Dick Chaney.

Georgie Boy: This is an easy question. My answer is (d), final.

Host: You got it, Georgie Boy. You�ve won $100.00.

Question #2: What is George Washington�s last name?

Answers: a) George, b) WMD, c) Washington, D) George Washington.

Georgie Boy: I�ll like to ask the audience on this one.

Host: OK, audience, please help Georgie Boy on this one. Well, Georgie Boy, 95% of the audience says the answer is Washington.

Georgie Boy: I�m glad your audience is around to help. I was thinking the answer is (d), George Washington. Oh yes, I�ll go with the audience and say, Washington, final answer.

Host: Washington it is, Georgie Boy. You�ve won $200.00.

Question #3: How many justices are there on the US Supreme Court?

Answers: a) 2, b) 100, c) 9,000, d) 9.

Georgie Boy: You would think I should have known this by now, but I don�t. I�ll like to use my 50/50 life line.

Host: That�s a tough question, Georgie Boy. Computer, randomly remove two of the wrong answers.

Host: Well, Georgie Boy, b and c have been removed.

Georgie Boy: In that case I�ll like to guess 9, final answer.

Host: You got it, Georgie Boy, and you now have $400.00.

Question #4: How many senators are there in the US Senate?

Answers: a) 25, b) 13, c) 50 d) 100

Georgie Boy: Well, I guess I�ll have to use my last life line. I like to phone a friend, Dick Chaney.

Host: Who is Dick Chaney?

Georgie Boy: Oh, Dick is my Vice President, and he sits in the Senate all the time. He should have counted those senators right by now. Some folks refer to Dick Chaney as my boss, and I do not appreciate that. Yes, my dad instructed Chaney to take care of me, but he sure isn�t my boss. Others also claim that I am Chaney�s poodle.

Host: OK. Lets get Dick Chaney on the phone now.

Voice at the other end: Hello?

Host: Is this Dick Chaney?

Voice at the other end: Yes it is.

Host: Mr. Chaney, I have here with me, Georgie Boy, on Who Wants To Win An Oil Well. He has won $400.00 so far, and needs a correct answer to win $800.00 before continuing on to win an oil well in Iraq. He needs your help to correctly answer a question.

Dick Chaney: OK. But I never gave him permission to get on your show. I�ll help him all the same.

Host: Georgie Boy, you may ask Mr. Chaney.

Georgie Boy: Dick, how many senators are there in the US Senate? 25, 13, 50., or 100. You have 10 seconds to answer. Don�t sit on the question like the United Nations sat on our WMD the last time.

Dick Chaney: You must be referring to our Words of Mass Deception. Georgie Boy, the answer is 100.

Georgie Boy: Yippie, Dick, Words of Mass Deception, indeed. As long as the majority of Americans have lenses made of dollar bills, the longer we�ll keep getting away with misleading them with our WMDs. How sweet it is!

Georgie Boy: My answer is 100, and that is final.

Host: You got it, Georgie Boy, and you�ve now won $800.00. You�re now on your way to winning an oil well. However, because you�ve used up all of your life lines, you�re now on your own. Lets proceed to the next question.

Georgie Boy: Fine, bring it on.

Question #5. What is the capital city of Iraq?

Answers: a) Baghdad, b) Fallujah, c) Houston, d) Iran.

Georgie Boy: Oh boy, all those answers look good to me.

Host: But you can only pick one of them for a chance to win $5,000.00 and advance to the next stage of the contest.

Georgie Boy: Can I call Dick Chaney again?

Host: No, Georgie Boy, you�ve used up all of your life lines. You�re on you own now.

Georgie Boy: A higher being tells me the right answer is Iran. So I�ll say Iran, final answer.

Host: Oh, Georgie Boy, Iran is not the correct answer. The correct answer is Baghdad. I�m afraid you�ve got to run.

Georgie Boy: Oh no, I�m going to stay the course.

Host: Georgie Boy, may be on a golf course. Good bye.

Georgie Boy: I wish you had given me these questions ahead of time, like the rest of the media does when dealing with me. Since I can�t win an Iraqi oil well on your contest, I guess I just have to get with Dick Chaney and we�ll march into Iraq and do oil well grabs our war.

By Dick Bush

1600 WMD Avenue

Dee Cee Wee Cee, America

En plena clase, Pepito se

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En plena clase, Pepito se levanta; se baja los pantalones y, enfrente de todo su grupo, comienza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

Al d�a siguiente, a la hora del recreo, en medio del patio, se baja los pantalones y empieza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

La maestra, cansada de este acto, manda llamar a su pap�:

“Se�or, me da mucha pena molestarlo, pero Pepito siempre se baja los pantalones y comienza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

El pap�, ri�ndose, responde:

�Ay, se�orita, eso no es nada! Mire esto: “Tibur�n, tibur�n…”

Funny Scam

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Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.

The name of the company: “The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company”

Giving up life

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A man was walking in the city, when a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner accosted him.

The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you
this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?”

� No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.

� Will you use it to gamble?”

� I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

� Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?”

� Are you NUTS! I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I’m going
to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The bum was
astounded.

� Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m
dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”

The man replied, “Hey, man, that’s OK! I just want her to see what a man looks
like who’s given up drinking, gambling, and golf!”

Sperm Count

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An 80 year old couple decide they want kids again. They visit the doctor who suggests, since they are a little older than usual, some tests might be in order. He hands the couple a small jar and asks them to go next door and for the gentleman to fill it so they can test his sperm count.A few minutes later the couple returns and hands back the jar. The doctor exclaims, “But it’s still empty!”The main replies, “I know. I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, then I tried with both hands, and I still couldn’t do it. Then my wife tried with her right hand, then her left hand, and with both hands. She tried with her teeth in and her teeth out, and we still couldn’t get the lid off that jar!”

Who Gives A F—

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Two Southern belles were having a picnic in a park. The first one says, “See my new diamond ring? My husband bought it for me.”The second one says, “Oh, that’s nice! That’s really, really nice!”The first one says, “And see that shiny new Jaguar parked over there? My husband bought it for me.”The second one says, “Oh, that’s nice! That’s really, really nice!”The first one says, “And you know that big white house at the top of the hill? My husband is gonna buy that for me.”The second one says, “Oh, that’s nice! That’s really, really nice!” The first one says, “Oh my stars, here I am, going on and on about myself! Tell me, what does your husband do for you?”The second one says, “Well, my husband sent me to charm school.”The first one says, “Charm school? Why on earth would he do that?”The second one says, “Because I used to say, ‘Who gives a fuck,’ but now I say, ‘Oh, that’s nice! That’s really, really nice!'”