Author: admin

Funny Headlines

Posted on by admin

Include your children when baking cookies.

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.

Drunks get nine years in violin case.

Iraqi head seeks arms.

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes appeal to Pope.

Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over.

Teacher strikes idle kids.

Clinton wins budget – more lies ahead.

Miners refuse to work after death.

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.

Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter.

If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last a while.

Couple slain – police suspect homicide.

Man struck by lightning faces battery charge.

New study of obesity looks for larger test group.

Astronaut takes blame for gas in space.

Local high school dropouts cut in half.

Typhoon rips through cemetery – hundreds dead.

Busy Signal

Posted on by admin

One day a blonde wanted to call her house to tell her mom she was home. Well when she got the phone she dial her number and all she got was a busy signal. And she swore they had call waiting. She kept trying to call over and over agian. Then she went to her moms room and told her mom that their line was busy every time she tried to call. Then her mom said,”Swetie, you are using the house phone to call the house!”

Horable Smelling Tobaco

Posted on by admin

A salsman receved a call from his boss informing him he had an appontment with a competitor 150 miles away, and he only had two and a half hours to get there, and that he would be there for three days. his wife was always complaning that he never took her with him, so he calld and told her to pack a bag and be ready he would be there in ten minutes to pick her up he had no time to wast so to meet him at the curb,he stopped she jumped in off thay went, therty minutes down the road she told him she had to stop some where that she had diarrhea and had to stop, but I cant stop I cant be late, so thay rode a while longer once agan she said I have to go now” so he told her to roll down the window and to stick her butt out the window he could not stop for eaney thing after a minute or two she dropet her paints and stuck her butt out the window just as she let go there was two hitch hickers beside the road SPLAT” first hitch hicker wiping his face off, said wow what awful smelling tobaco, second hitch hicker wiping his face said ya” and did you see the Jaws” on that Berded Basterd when He spit?

Knock Knock 132

Posted on by admin

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mortimor!
Mortimor who?
Mortimor that meets the eye!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mozart!
Mozart who?
Mozart is in museums!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Mr!
Mr who!
Missed her at the bus stop!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Muffin!
Muffin who?
Muffin the matter with me, how about you?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Muffin!
Muffin who?
Muffin grouchy first thing in the morning!

Get the manager

Posted on by admin

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. “Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.” “Actually, no” he replies. “Can you get him for me – I need to speak to him?” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t” breathes the barman – clearly aroused. “Is there anything I can do?” “Yes there is. I need you to give him a message” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “Tell him” she says “that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”

Her Side/His Side

Posted on by admin

HER SIDE OF THE STORY

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might
have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn’t say
anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go
off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We
went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I
tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or
something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really
sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that
I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what
the hell that meant because you know he doesn’t say it back or
anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering
if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but
he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to
go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we
had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just
wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I
just don’t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think
he’s met someone else???

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY

My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.