Your ma,ma is so fat that she fell in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.
Author: admin
He is not dead
He is not dead, he is electroencephalographically challenged.
The Incredible Golf Ball
Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.
The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.
“Use this one – You can’t lose it!”
His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?!!”
The first man replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it.
If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.”
Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?”
The man replies, “I found it.”
(Think about it… it’ll come to you
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
What’s Monica Lewinsky’s favorite place
What’s Monica Lewinsky’s favorite place in Washingto D.C.?
Under the beltway.
Poof! You're a d
How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go ‘WOOF.’
Hunting Season
Washington State Attorney Season and Bag Limits
1400.01 General
1.Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest
attorneys.
2.Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
3.Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck,
remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4.It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine,
helicopter, or aircraft.
5.It shall be unlawful to out “whiplash”, “ambulance”, or “open bar” for the
purpose of trapping attorneys.
6.It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of Cadillac
dealerships.
7.It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, currency, or staged vehicle accidents
to attract attorneys.
8.It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law
libraries, whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
9.If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to
hunt, trap, or possess it.
10.Harvested attorneys must have a state health department inspection for
distemper and rabies prior to being stuffed or mounted.
11.It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as an accident victim,
young law clerk, drug dealer, bookie, or sheep for the purpose of attracting and
hunting attorneys.
How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
Golf
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and
speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says,
“What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I
want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man-you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in h*** of hitting her
from here!”
I Guess That’s Five
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.””Chickens, eh?”says one guy.”Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?””Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.”The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”
Priest Vs Rabi Confession
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.
In a few minutes a woman comes in and says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
The priest asks “What did you do?”.
The woman says “I Committed adultery.”
Priest: “How many times?”
Woman: “Three times.”
Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed adultery.”
Priest: “How many times?”
Woman: “Three times.”
Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Rabbi: “What did you do?”
Woman: “I committed adultery.”
Rabbi: “How many times?”
Woman: “Just once.”
Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”
Shipwrecked Scotsman
A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks, ”Would you like some food?” The Scot hoarsely croaks, ”Och, lassie, I havna’ ittin a bite in a week noo and I am verra hungry!” She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a heaping helping of haggis. When he has choked it down, she asks, ”Would you like something to drink?” ”Och, aye! That haggis has made me verra hungry and I wad verra much like a drink!” She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman is beginning to think that he’s in heaven when the unclad nymphet leans closer and says, ”Would you like to play around?” ”Och, lassie, don’t tell me ye’ve got a golf course here too!”