Yours Fun Portal !
Me and my friend were in gym class the other day when we heard the class were playing flag football.
We had never played it before, so we asked the teacher.
The teacher said, “You have to rip the flag off of the person who has the ball.”
So me and my friend ripped the flag off all the boys.
“Why did you do that?” The teacher asked
We responded,”You told us to rip the flag off anyone who had balls.”
Submitted by Lol_Girl_72
Edited by Calamjo
it was dark and all i could feel was his hands on my wrists he lifted them above my head and held them firmly in place next he lossened all my clothing and turned me on my side he opened my mouth wide and forcing any content out one he was satisfied i had a clear clean mouth he moved to the back of me and positioned himself so he was in the right position reaching around me he pushed in slowly at first then faster and faster i could feel it all happen but was in a state of daze when i finally came too i could feel him pushing fast from behind me and i yelled out to him to stop hearing me say this he did and puleed me to a sitting position opening my mouth again he shoved the large thing over my mouth and instructed me to blow in and out as fast as i could suddenly feeling ight headded he oreded me to slow down and then finaaly helped me to the bed lying me down he straped me on and then took me for a long ride……………. all the way to the hospital. this was my first time having my life saved.
One day, all the Blondes held a convention together to prove they were actually smart despite the jokes. A brave Blonde came up and was asked the following question: What is 1+1? The Blondes waited 5 mins. for her answer, 10 mins., 15 mins., finally after 20 mins., she anwered 4. All the Blondes Shouted, “Another chance, another chance.” The Blonde was asked this question: What is 2+2? They waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, for her answer. Finally, at the end of 20 minutes, she answered,”5.” All the Blondes again shouted,”Another chance, another chance!” The Blonde was asked this final question:What is 3+3?. 5 minutes passed. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. 20 minutes passed. Finally, at the end of 30 minutes, she answered,”6.” Again everyone shouted,” Another chance, another chance!”
Your mama is soo fat that when she jumped into the ocean the
whales started singing “We are family”
BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush To Be Smitten Later Today
HEAVEN, ENTIRE UNIVERSE (ANS) — In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the “one nation, under God” clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the recent Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
“I’m not sure where the Supreme Court gets off,” God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, “but I’m sure as hell not going to lie back and led Bush get away with this bull*#@!.”
“I’ve watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida ‘will never be known.’ Well, I’m God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let’s cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes.”
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God’s unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God’s Word for possible grounds for appeal.
“God’s ruling is a classic over-reach,” argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. “Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against The constitution of the state of Florida.”
“Jim Baker’s a jackass,” God responded. “He’s got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean.”
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to “a friggin’ idiot.”
“Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don’t believe me? I’ll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron…”
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush’s prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush’s goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
did you know that they put metamucil in the old faithful geyser so that it will be regular.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
A woman walked into an antique store that was down the street
from her home. As she wondered around the store the clerk asked
her what she was interested in. She said she was interested in
buying a mirror.
He showed her a couple mirrors then told her he had a special,
magic mirror in the back. She laughed, and said yeah, right! He
showed her to the mirror and told her: All you have to say is
“Mirror Mirror on the door” then asked for anything. She gave it
a try.
Mirror Mirror on the door—Make my breast a 44
“KABOOM”
She had some huge breast
she ran down the street to her house to show her husband. He
seen her and said “damn, what the hell happened”? she told him
of the magic mirror on the corner. He raced out the door headed
to the antique shop. As he arrived he told the clerk he wanted
to try the magic mirror. The clerk took him out back where the
mirror was and told him what to say. The man looked at the
mirror and said
Mirror Mirror on the door–make my dick touch the floor
“KABOOM”
His legs fell off.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.
A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the
service?” ask the interviewer.
“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.
“Did you see any active duty?” He was asked.
“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”
“May I ask what happened?” he was asked.
“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both
testicles.” The marine said.
“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”
“When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential
treatment because of my disability.” The marine said.
“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around
scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: “HIJKLMNO”!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? “Way to go team!”