The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket – went in to try out for the job. ‘Okay,’ the sheriff drawled, ‘Gomer, what is 1 and 1?’ ’11’ he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, ‘That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.’ ‘What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?’ ‘Today and tomorrow.’ He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. ‘Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?’ Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?’ So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. ‘It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!’
Author: admin
Musician joke
Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?A: A pair of Re-bachs.
Q: How many economists
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Yo mama
Knock-Knock
Who’s there?
Yo Mama!
There are two pieces
There are two pieces of tarmac sitting by the side of the bar, and they are having a drinking contest, to see which one is the hardest.
After 12 shots of vodka, both pieces of tarmac are still unfazed, when suddenly the door opens and a red piece of tarmac walks in.
Upon which seeing the red piece of tarmac, one piece of tarmac runs into the john.
An hour later, he ventures out and discovers that the red piece of tarmac has left, so he ventures out and upon seeing the other piece of tarmac, he is asked why he ran off.
To this he replies ”Haven’t you heard about him?, He’s a CYCLE-PATH !!!!!!”
There was this farmer who had three lovely…
There was this farmer who had three lovely daughters. He wanted them to
marry men who would do anything for them, so he came up with a test. One
morning he took all 3 of his daughters out back to the barn. When they got
there, there were 3 handsome young men waiting. The farmer walked up to the
first man and said “If you fuck my cow back there you can choose any one of my
daughters you like, to marry”.
The first man quickly replied..”No way man,
there not even that pretty”, he then left.
The farmer walked up to the next
man and offered him the same deal..”If you fuck my cow back there, you can
choose anyone of my daughters you like, to marry”.
The second man
replied “Well i dont know…..oh…Naaaaaa”. and he too left.
The farmer then
walked up to the third and final man and offered him the same deal he gave the
other 2..”ok..If you fuck my cow back there, you can choose anyone of my
daughters you like, to marry”.
The third man thought for a moment then
answered..”Well I guess. Why not”
So the man goes in the back and fucks the
farmers cow. When he returns the farmer asks…”So which one of my daughters
would you like?”
The man answers with….”Screw your daughters how much for
the cow!”
Pythagoras joke.
Ther was this Indian chief, and he had three wives. They slept in the same tent. One on a bear skin, one on a buffalo skin and one on a hippopotamus skin.
After a time the three had children. The one that slept on the bear skin had a baby boy, the one on the buffalo skin had a baby girl, and the one on the hippopotamus skin had a baby boy and a baby girl, proving that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the sqaws on the other two hides!!!
Those of you who think
Those of you who think you know everything
are annoying those of us who do.
FIRE
There were three girls. One was a brunet, another was a red head, and the last was a blonde. They were caught by a tribe that was scared of storms.Then the burnet was going to get shot she yelled out tornado. The people ran for cover and the burnet got away. the next day they were going to shoot the red head she yelled out hurracane the tribe ran again. The next next day they were going to shoot the blonde.The tribe said “1 2 3” then the blonde yelled out fire!
Hearts and roses and kisses galore……
Hearts and roses and kisses galore…
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer
It is definatley the most annoying day of the year
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before i shove a dozen roses up Cupid’s ass
I’ll spend the day so drunk I can’t speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week
Guys act all sweet, but it soon will fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit
So heres my story…what else can I say?
Love bites my ass…Fuck Valentines Day!
There are more jokes like this at http://www.jokedepot.com
Why?
Why did the man fill his waterbed with beer?
He wanted a foam mattress.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
Crime Scene
There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald couldn’t quite place, and the thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day,like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, on the tongue side where you can’t possibly reach them with a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make everything you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar and mayonnaise, and then somehow –quietly but miraculously — they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night while you’re asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared to have done