you are so black that the police shot a bullet at you in a dark alley and the bullets came back to get flashlights.
Author: admin
The simple step of a courageous individual…
The simple step of a courageous individual is not to take part
in the falsehood. One word of truth outweighs the world.
– Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Blonde and her Cell Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it’s her husband, “Hi hun,” he says “How do you like your new phone?”She replies “I just love, it’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there’s one thing I don’t understand though.””What’s that, baby?” asks the husband.”How’d you know I was at Wal-mart?”, she quietly replied…
While the cats away!
As the door is opened, the travelling salesman is shocked to see a little lad, standing there in a silk dressing gown, cigar in one hand, glass of whiskey in the other.
Looking further into the house, a prostitute is laying spent across the couch!
“Er, hello young man,” he manages to stammer, “is your mommy or daddy home?”
Little Johnny looks at him increduously, “Does it fucking look like it?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
boogers and broccoli
What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don’t eat broccoli!
Oompf Oompf Boom
One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local Pharmasave. He goes up to the clerk and says “Last night me fuck squaw, left nut go oomph right nut go oompf, dick go oomph, condom go BOOM!”Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he grabs some Trojans for professionals and tells the chief to come back and tell him how they worked.The next day the big Chief comes back to the Pharmasave, goes right up to the clerk and gruffly says “Last night me fuck squaw, left nut go oomph, right nut go oompf, dick go oomph, condom go BOOM!”The clerk thinks to himself “Damn, this guy has super ejaculation going on” so he goes into the back of the store and gets a prototype condom for the Chief. The description on the box read: This is a joint effort between Goodyear and Michelin. This condom is steel belted and should only be used in extreme circumstances.The clerk hands the condom to the Chief and tells him this, and to come back and tell him how it worked.The next day the chief comes back on crutches with a shotgun under his arm. He storms up to the clerk. The clerk is thinking “Oh Shit! The condom must not have worked and he’s real pissed.”The chief yells “LAST NIGHT ME FUCK SQUAW!! LEFT NUT GO OOMPH!!!!….RIGHT NUT GO OOMPH!!! ….. DICK GO OOMPH!!….. CONDOM GO OOMPH!!!!……… LEFT NUT GO BOOM!!!”
How Does Santa Do It?
How does Santa get through such a samll chimney into your house?
Santa is an ant.
Toughening Up
My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could.
After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes. . . .
Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks…DOH!
A TOUGH CALL
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home
team had been the victim of three or four close calls and they were now trailing
the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal. When the official called yet
another close one in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
“How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You
were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down and you
missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter.” the official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him
tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that you stink!”
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the
ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming
quarterback. The official finally replied, “and how do I smell from here,
a******?”
The sound of a train in the distance
A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is. Predictably, he’s hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened and asks the desert man, ‘Why’d you ruin my good tea kettle?’ The desert man replies, ‘Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.’
Una mujer llega a su
Una mujer llega a su casa y encuentra a su marido y a su comadre haciendo el amor. Ofendida, se va corriendo con su compadre y le cuenta lo que vio; decidida a desquitarse, le sugiere al tipo:
“Compadre, puesto que nos est�n enga�ando hay que vengarnos”.
Entonces, empiezan a hacer el amor una y otra vez. Veinte minutos despu�s, le dice la comadre:
“�Nos volvemos a vengar compadre?”
“Hoy ya no, comadre, se me acab� el rencor”.
A cat’s dictionary
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.Purrson: A male kitty.Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.