A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman.”I want to buy this television,” she says. The salesman replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve blondes here.” She gets mad, leaves and goes home. She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store.”I want to buy this television.” she says to the salesman, getting the same response: “Sorry miss, we don’t serve blondes here.” She leaves again, frustrated.She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store, she once again approaches the salesman.”Sir, I would like to purchase this television, and I don’t want any problems.” To which the salesman replies, “Sorry Miss, we don’t serve blondes.” Fed up with this, she cries, “How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and even resorted to shaving my head!” To which the salesman replied, “Well, Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!”
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Sex While Pregnant
For those of you about to become first-time fathers, you should know something that us old pros do: there are three stages of sex with your mate during pregnancy.
During the first trimester, you do it regular style.
During the second trimester, you do it doggie style.
During the last trimester, you do it wolf style.
“What the heck is wolf style?” you ask.
That’s when you sit by the hole and howl!
Banging two pieces of flint
Joe Neanderthal was banging two pieces of flint together trying to start a
fire, when his wife came running up.
“Joe, Joe�, she cried. “A saber-toothed tiger is chasing my mother.”
“So,” said Joe. “Why should I care what happens to a Toothed-toothed tiger?”
Annual Sex
Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV.When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,”Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!”
Where are my shoes?
“Where are my shoes?” asked the Iowa State professor as the class ended.
“They’re on your feet,” said one of the students.
“So they are,” said the professor. “It’s a good thing you saw them, or I would
have gone home without them!”
Types of computer viruses
Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, “I’m not Santa Claus.”
How do u eat urs?
At first a little nibble, then a slow and tempting lick, Isuck
and munch my liquid lunch and I swallow quick!!
Cadbury’s Cream Egg – How do u eat urs???!!!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Thermos!Thermos who?Thermos be
Knock KnockWho’s there?Thermos!Thermos who?Thermos be a better way!
Making Cakes
A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they’re are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies “They’re making cakes.”
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer “They’re making cakes.”
The next morning the little girl says to her mother “Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night.”
The Mother replies ” How do you know?”
The girl says “I licked the icing off the sofa!”
Un se�or se dirige al
Un se�or se dirige al mostrador de la farmacia y dice: “�Se�orita!, �me da un paquete de condones?” “�Claro que s�!, �para soltero o para casado?” “No entiendo. �Cu�l es la diferencia?” “Los de soltero vienen en paquetes de 7 y los de casado en paquetes de 12.” “Menos le entiendo.” “Mire, los de soltero vienen marcados con: lunes, martes, mi�rcoles, etc. Y los de casado con: enero, febrero, marzo…”
Misplaced hand
I often get into trouble because I misplace things.
Like the last time I was in a bar, I got a black eye because I misplaced my hand on a girl’s knee.
Q. How can you tell when dogs are kinky?…
Q. How can you tell when dogs are kinky?
A. They start doing it in the missionary position.