Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Author: admin
BISCUIT
WHAT DID THE BISCUIT SAY WHEN IT BROKE
OH CRUMBS
The new nun
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.”
The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do six cartwheels on your way to the altar.”
Untitled joke
How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
That’s proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
Flying condom
Why did the condom fly across the room?? It got pissed off!!!
You don’t have to swim
You don’t have to swim faster than the shark,
just faster than the guy next to you.
Batteries
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need
some help?” I asked. She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery in
this remote door unlock thing, now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they
[pointing to a distant convenience store] would
have a battery for this?” “Hmmm, I don�t know. Do you have an alarm, too?” I
asked. “No, just this remote ‘thing,'” she answered, handing it and the car keys
to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t
you drive over there and check about the batteries it’s a long walk.”
A Giant Problem
Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea? You didn’t?! It’s all over town!
Yo mamas so fat
your mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said who threw the rock
Insurance Policy
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan called the insurance company.
Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand dollars, and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”
There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Curtis
Tally Wakers
Remember back in WWII we used to call all the soldiers G.I. ‘s.
Well now we go against the Taliban so we call our
american soldiers Tally Wackers.
Church Bloopers
*Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
*Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
*If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket.
*Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
*Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
*Karen’s beautiful solo: “It is Well with my Solo”
*Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
*If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
*We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.
*Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford”
*Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer.
*Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
*Helpers ape needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
*The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary’s Cathedral.
*The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board.
*As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
*Fifth Sinday is Lent.
*Thank you dead friends.
*Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
*Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
*Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
*For the word of God is quick and powerful…piercing even to
the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
*Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
*Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.
*Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
*The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working…
*Volunteers are needed to spit up food.
*Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess
*We pray that our people will jumble themselves.