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The prince

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It was a hot summer day in west Texas when an elderly old woman and her dog rex found a magic bottle. As she cleaned off the bottle an indian shaman appeared before her. The shaman made his way over to the old woman and said he would give her three blessings from the gods. The old woman couldnt believe this and said for her first wish she wanted to be turned into a beautiful princess who all the men across the globe would lust for. Next she decided that if she was going to be this beautiful her house would have to be worthy of her her presence. so she had the shaman turn her shack into a magical kingdom full of money. Finally she decided she could not live alone anymore as she had for so many years. so she had the shaman turn old rex into a handsome prince who would all long and lust for her. When this happened she jumped for glee and begged for rex to take her on the floor right then and there and as rex took her into his arms he looked deep into her eyes and said:

To bad you cant wish you never had me fixed huh bitch???

Duke university

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This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who
were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes,
midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid “A’s.”
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend
before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to
go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.
So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer
than they planned, and they didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday
morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after
the final and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went
up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study,
but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare and
couldn’t get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.
Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the
following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that
night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told
them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple
about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. “Cool” they thought, “this
is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
It said: (95 points) “Which tire?”

A typical male

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A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to
give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what
she does with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her
hair done, new make up, buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for
the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him
because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf
clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she
presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him
because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the
$5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint
account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves
him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,
and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

Horse

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A man walks into a bar, and sees a horse setting by a pot full of money.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked”whats the horse and money for?”

The bartender says”If you can make him do anything other then sit there, you can have all that money”

So, the man took the horse to the back room, and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was laughing. so he took the money and left.

A few years later the man came back, and the horse was still laughing. The bartender said if you can make him do anything else, you can have all the money next to him.

so the man took the horse to the back room again and a few minutes later he came back and the horse was crying.

the bartender said”You can have the money, but what did you do?”

The man leaned over and said”The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then him, then the second time I showed him”

Deceptive qualifications

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A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she
placed a personal ad that read: Rich Widow Looking for Man to Share Life and
Fortune with the Following Qualifications:

1. WON’T BEAT ME UP
2. WON’T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing
constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men
seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man,
with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, “Who
are you and what do you want?”

� Hi,” said the man “Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams.
I’ve got no arms, so I can’t beat you up and I’ve got no legs, so I can’t run
away.”

The old woman asked, “What makes you think you’re so great in bed?”

To which he replied, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”