-What makes Britain so strong? -It�s the two-party system. One big
party on every friday and another big party on every saturday
Author: admin
Fishing on New Jersey Pier
A young lady, sitting on her minnow bucket while fishing was approached by a man who asked her what she was fishing for? She replied,I’m fishing for a husband! He said ,”you won’t catch one that way cause you’re sitting on your bait!
A man is struck by
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying
on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
“A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the
crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
“A PRIEST, PLEASE!” the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a
little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.
“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic.
But for fifty years now I’m living behind St. Elizabeth’s Catholic Church
on First Avenue, and every night I’m listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe
I can be of some comfort to this man.”
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man
lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
“Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under
the O, 72. . .”
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Chinese
how do u blindfold chinese people?
with dental floss.
What will you do for golf?
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: “Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second Guy: “That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.” Third Guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.” They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?” Fourth Guy: “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday.”
The Flashlight
Why did the little girl bury her flashlight?
Because the batteries died.
A rather sick view of heaven and hell
A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her,she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman’s shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo. “I do not want to go to heaven”, she tells St. Peter. “I’ll go to the other place.” “You want to go hell”, he replies. “They rape and sodomize you down there” “I don’t care”, she answers. “At least I already have holes for that.”
In Guthrie, Okla., in October,
In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a
shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
You’re a redneck … your name is junior,
You’re a redneck if …. Your name is Junior, Junior.
Clinton bumper sticker
Impeach Clinton!And her husband, too!
Golfing Partners
A man and wife were playing in their golf club’s annual “Guys and Dolls” tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men’s. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband.”Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged 3 inches into your wife’s brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us.” “What is it?” asked Mr. Davies. “Well,” said the doctor, “We also found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her anal cavity.” The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand “Oh, that was just my Mulligan!”