yo mama is so fat when she bends over everyone thinks the world is gona explode,
Author: admin
Gingerbread Riddle
Q. What does the Gingerbread Man have on his bed?A. Cookie sheets.Submitted By: Julia
Soup or Sex?
A woman, completely fed up with her husbands AOL obsession finally takes matter into her own hands.
One night as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length fur coat and she posts herself between her husband and his monitor.
She pulls open the jacket and yells, “Time for Super Sex”!!!!!.
He ignores her. So, she repeatedly yells, “Super Sex” “Super Sex” “Super Sex”.
Finally, he replies, “Ok, I’ll take the soup.”
Yo mama is so flat
Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of the wall!
The African King
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a
sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very
important client.
The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the
secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her
boss told her…don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to
think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only
marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement
ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat
diamond tiara.”
The African king pauses for a while. Then, he nods his head and
says, “No problem! I have. I have.”
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the
man, “I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As
a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the
best wine country in France.”
The African king pauses for a while. He whips out his cellular
phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks
at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build. I
build.”
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary
knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time
to think and finally she gets an idea, a sure-to-work condition.
She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly,
“Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch
penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his
hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering
in African dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his
head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I
cut. I cut.”
Era una anciana que ten�a
Era una anciana que ten�a un perico y le dice: “Si viene el lechero le dices que s�, si viene el periodiquero le dices que s�.”
La anciana se va y a los pocos minutos llega el lechero y le dice “�quieres leche?” y el perico le dice que s�, en eso llega el periodiquero y le dice “�quieres el periodico?” y el perico le dice s�, entonces pasa un borrachito y le dice “�quieres que te pegue unos trancazos?”, el perico le dice s� y el borracho le pega hasta cansarse.
A la ma�ana siguiente la anciana, viendo como estaba de golpeado el pobre perico, le dice: “A todos los que vengan les dices que no”.
Y bien, llega el lechero y el perico le dice que no, llega el periodiquero y el perico le dice que no. En eso llega el borrachito y le dice “�te dolieron los trancazos?”
Y el perico le dice: “NO…”
Superstitious
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.”Say, how old are you anyway?”the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.”Thirteen,” she replied with a shy smile.”Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?”he thundered.Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, “Superstitious, huh ?”
The Modern Day Ten Commandments
1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides
me.
2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop
class.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express
written consent of thy God. The name “Thy God” is the sole property of thy God.
Any use of the name of thy God without the express written
consent of thy God is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by thy
God.
4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments.
5. Honor thy single parent.
6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office.
8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: Not really applicable to car radios.)
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor when appearing
before Judge Wapner.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, his servants, his flocks, or his
powertools.
Tie her to the tree
One day I was shopping at my local drugstore when I noticed a
new face behind the pharmaceutical counter. She was drop dead
gorgeous and a beutiful set of tits to match. Well it didn’t
take a minute to turn on the flirt and ask this chick out for
that very evening.
I approach her parents home to be greeted by
her dad who is suspiciouslly pleased to meet me. I go on to
realize a minute later why he was so pleased. What I couldn’t
have realized from the drug store floor was that Vicky suffered
paraylazation from the waist down. Without hesitation or suprise
I pretended I knew all along not to upset Vicky.
Okay movie, dinner and yada yada yada and we
wind up at look out point. I’m figuring if I luck out, blow job!
I hit the jackpot, this bitch lets me tie her to the tree to
bang her!!!
I get her home and kiss goodnight, going back to
my car her father approaches and hands me a hundred dollar bill.
I refuse saying I really didn’t mind and It wouldn’t be right
for me to accept money just for taking out someone who was
handicapped.
He retorts no this is a thank you for saving me the
15th trip of having to go unttie her from that tree!!!!!
Playing it Safe
The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
Washin The Dog
A young child walks into a corner store and picks up a big box of laundry
detergent.
The storekeep trying to be friendly says, “Got a lot of laundry to do?”
The boy says, “Haha no. I’m actually going to go wash my dog with it.”
The storekeep says, “Son, that stuff is very powerful. If you use it to wash
your dog the dog might become sick or even die!”
The boy replies, “Dont worry, he’ll be fine.”
And the boy leaves. The next day the boy returns to buy some candy.
The storekeep asks the boy about his dog and how the washing went.
The boy replies sadly, “He died…”
The storekeep says as gently as he can, “I’m sorry son. But I warned you this
might happen if you wash the dog with detergent.”
The boy replies, “I dont think it was the laundry detergent that killed him. I
think it was the spin cycle.”
Homeless chicks
Whats the best thing about dating a homeless chick?
you can drop her off anywhere.