LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
Author: admin
fire in the building
there was a fire in a shoe factory…one hundred soles were lost
If Dr. Seuss was a technical writer
What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash! If the above doesn’t help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
Beer Machismo
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the
breweries decide to go to the pub for a drink. The Coors President said “Can I
have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please.”
The bartender gave him the drink.
Then the Budweiser President orders, “The King Of Beers — Budweiser�.
The bartender proceeds with the order.
The Amsted President walks in and orders “The Finest Beer ever.”
The bartender gives him an Amsted.
Then the Guinness President says, “I’ll have a coke please�.
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over at him and said, “Why have you ordered a
coke?”
He replied, “Well if you all aren’t drinking beer, then neither shall
I�.
Pick-up Lines
Here’s some good pick up lines.
1. Your name must be Gillete. The best a man can get.
2. Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants.
3. I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed-rock.
4. The word of the day is legs. Lets go to my place and spread the word.
5. Wanna go out for some pizza and a fuck? What’s wrong, don’t you like
pizza?
6. Your name must be Tony because your looking grrrrreat!
7. If your left leg was named Thanksgiving, and your right leg Chirstmas,
would you let me visit you between the holidays?
Dumb and married
there were these two people and it was there wedding night and they got home and they didnt know what to do. so the guy calls his dad and says dad what do I do, the father replied get naked and lay in the bed, then the girl called her mom and was like mom what do I do and the mom replied get naked and lay with him
so they were just laying there for about five minutes doing nothing so the guy calls the dad again and say s what do I do and the dad says stick the hardest part of your body in the place where she pees and then the girl calls her mom and was like mom wht do I do and the mom said well what is he doing and she says(sticking his head in the toilet!)
Falling Off 20th Floor vs. 1st Floor
What’s the difference between a man who falls off the 20th floor
of a building and a man who falls off the first floor?
One goes “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” *Plop*
And the other goes *Plop* “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
Please kiss me
Doctor, doctor, please kiss me,” says the patient.
“No, I’m sorry, that would be against the code of ethics,” says the doctor.
Ten minutes later the patient says: “Doctor, please, kiss me just once.”
“No, I’m sorry, I just can’t” he says.
Five minutes later, she asks again: “Please, please kiss me!”
“Look,” says the doctor, “it’s out of the question. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be f***ing you.
Marry it.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A. Marry it.
A Group Of Monks
I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group of sterile monks in
white robes were circling a large urn containing flowers, chanting, raising
their hands, bowing to the urn, and performing some kind of ritual on one
young member of the group.
It appeared to be a vase sect to me.
Your momma breath so bad when she talk it…
Your momma breath so bad when she talk it smeels like her tongue farted!!!!
Y-to-K Date Change Project Status
“Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We
have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We
have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and
historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the “Y-to-K” date change
mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data
to reflect your new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June,
Julk, August, September, October, November, December
As well as: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to
K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global
problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does
the year 2000 have to do with it?
Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two
digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We’ll await your direction.”