Flon’s Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
Author: admin
Q: What do a
Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?A: Neither one is very bright.
The divorce!
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph.
The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you.”
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he’s up to 80 mph.
She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.” The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”
The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.”
She asks, “What’s that?”
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph…
“I’ve got the airbag!”
Flatty
You’re so flat that the walls are jealous!!!!!!
Hurewitz’s Memory Principle: The
Hurewitz’s Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to…to… uh…
Blondes And Dogs
What are the 2 ways Blondes and dogs are the same?They can both bleed for a week without dying and bury a bone without getting there nose dirty.
Q: How many Pisceans
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: What lightbulb?
Yo mamma
yo mamma so dumb she had bad grades in school
Operating System Airlines
If operating systems were airlines, what kind of service would they offer?
Here is a lighthearted look at what passengers could expect.
DOS Air:
All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it
until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again,
push it back into the air, hop on, and so on.
Mac Airways:
The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look the same, feel the
same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply
that you don’t want to know, don’t need to know and would you please
return to your seat and watch the movie.
Windows Airlines:
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very
attractive, the pilots very capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier
operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing up above
the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, it explodes without warning.
OS/2 Skyways:
The terminal is almost empty with only a few prospective passengers
milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed and
wishes them a good flight, although there are no planes on the runway.
Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to customers in
hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek powerful jets
outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the
real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than
Windows Airlines but that they will have to wait a little longer for the
technicians to finish flight systems.
Fly Windows NT:
All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the
chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and
make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
“You’re going out to play golf again?” his…
“You’re going out to play golf again?” his wife complained.”I’m only doing under doctors orders.””Do I look stupid to you?!” “But its true,” he said, while walking out the door.”He told me specifically that I should get some iron everyday.”
Good Ring Bearer
At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests.
Asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”
The Pessimist!
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.
For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “Your dog can’t swim!”