Cold? Decorators have created a new interior decorating style, “modern igloo”.
Author: admin
Ugly Mama
Your mama so ugly for halloween she trick or treats on the phone.
Your mama so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an
application.
Your mama so ugly when she walks by a toilet it flushes itself.
Your mama so ugly when she goes camping the bears light a fire to keep HER
away.
Your mama so ugly when she goes halloween shoppping people try to buy her.
Chrysler is introducing a new car.
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to
commemorate President Clinton’s election?
A: It’s gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
Health insurance
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Submitted by Muffin_007
Edited by Yisman
Irish Chili
Q: Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in
their chili?
A: Because if they put in one more, it would
be 240 (too-farty)!!!
Six girls for free
A guy walks into a brothel and tells the madam he wants six girls for the evening.
The next morning the madam informs the gentleman that there will be no charge. Very happy, he leaves.
A few days later he returns, and again tell the madam that he would like six girls for the evening. In the morning the madam presents him with a bill for $1,000. Confused the man asks, “I don’ t understand, on Tuesday it was free.”
“That’s right,” replies the madam, “but on Tuesdays we’re on cable.”
Hillary at the Fortune Teller’s
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortuneteller
of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the
mystic delivered grave news.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to
be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to
compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortuneteller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
“Will I be acquitted?”
1. The White House staff
2. His tiny advisor
3. The Nuclear Button
4. The Executive Branch
5. The Little POLLSTER
6. His Soft contribution
7. His pocket Veto
8. The Secret Servicer
9. The President Caucus
10. Little Rock
3 homos
3 homos sitting in a hot tub when dead gerbil comes floteing to the top 1 homo looks at the other 2 and says alright who farted?
Goodbye To Bin Laden
Written by a Viet Nam Vet
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
“In Memory of The Twin Towers”
Warning song to Osama bin Laden
(the tune of Rawhide)
The devil came from nowhere
He attacked us from the sky.
He bloodied up our nation
didn’t give a reason why.
Now he’s placed a spear in our eye
said its done it Allahs name
So God’s coming lookin for him
And he’s got himself to blame.
No more runnin, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t movin slow.
You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything its got.
Just go hidin in your hills
You’ll be buried in your caves.
You’ll get what you’ve got comin now
For being Satans slaves.
You’ve woke the sleeping giant
From his legendary sleep
Now with open roar like lions
There’s one promise he will keep
No more runnin, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t movin slow.
You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything its got.
So don’t close your eyes a moment
Cause you surely see death there.
Don’t waste your time in moanin
You just haven’t got a prayer.
You chose to terrify the world
with your sensely killing spree
Brought violence into our lives
Placed hate inside of me.
No more runnin, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t movin slow.
You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything its got.
In this peaceful loving Nation
Home of brave and of the free
All are calling up your number
over land and over sea
We have seen the vileness in your soul
the horrors you create
Now this angry nations coming
look around we’re at your gate
No more runnin, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t movin slow.
You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything its got.
Yes this world is coming for you now (Pause) with everything its got.
What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?
Q. What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?
A. You hear about them all the time, but you never see one.
I’ve learned that the people
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are
taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just
never go away.
Cowboy Wisdom
1. Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.
2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
3. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in.
4. If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
5. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
7. There’s two theories to arguin’ with the foreman. Neither one works.
8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
9. Don’t squat with your spurs on.
10. It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
11. Always drink upstream from the herd.
12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
13. There are three kinds of people:
a. The ones that learn by reading,
b. the few who learn by observation, and
c. the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see if it’s hot.