The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.”How was work, dear?” his wife asks.”Listen! I don’t want to talk about work!” he shouts.”Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?” she asks nicely.”Listen!” he shouts again.”I’m not hungry! I don’t wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?”At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, “Well, I guess it’s that time of the month.”
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Leper Stew
How do you make stew out of a leper?
Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, her beeper goes off and people think she’s backing up!
Did you hear about the
Did you hear about the two Mexicans on That’s Incredible?
One had auto insurance, and the other was an only child.
Short Joke
A three-year-old little boy was examing his testicles while taking a bath.
Mama,he asked, are these my brains?
Mama answered, not yet son.
The undressing newlyweds.
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
“What happened to you feet?” his wife asked.
“I had a childhood disease called tolio.”
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
“What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had kneesles.”
“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…
“Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”
Bolingball
What is the diference between a blonde and a bolingball?�?
You can only stick 3 fingers in a bolingball
WHITe people
wHAT DO U CALL WHIT PEOPLE IN A BUS?
a Twinkie
Wedding practical joke
Return your keysBefore a friend’s wedding reception, we passed out keys (blanks) to several girls and one guy. Before some toasts were made, the best man said to the guests, “Now that Jim is married and is no longer available, it is probably a good idea to have any of you girls out there with a key to his apartment to please turn it in now.” Then the pre-selected girls (about thirty of them) slowly walked up and handed in their keys as they made bedroom-eyes at him and flirted a bit; some of the girls would turn in not just one key, but six or seven of them. Then the guy walked up, turned in the key, and kissed the groom on the cheek. It’s probably not original, but it worked pretty well.
2 Blondes and a Mirr
Two Blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar,” The second Blonde said, “let me look!” The first Blonde handed her the compact. The second Blonde looked in the mirror and said, “You dummy, it’s me!
Too Big For Me
A couple was celebrating their 25th anniversary, and really doing it up the same as 25 years ago.
They renewed their vows with the same minister who had married them, had a reception in the same hall and went to the same hotel for their second honeymoon.
They were even in the same room as they were getting undressed for bed, she said to him, “Isn’t this romantic? I don’t want to change anything.”
He said: “Well. There is one thing I would like to change. Remember how the first time you saw me naked you cried because it was so big? Well, honey, after twenty-five years of marriage and three children, now it’s my turn.”
As Smart As a Blonde
A ventriloquist is on stage with his dummy telling numerous
blonde jokes. A rather sophisticated looking blonde in the
audience interrupts the act and says “Excuse me sir, but I find
it personally offensive in that you keep berating blonde women.
I happen to be a college graduate and quite successful in my
career, do you think you could find another stereotype to poke
fun at? “The ventriloquist replies “Im certainly sorry you take
offense miss, it is only an act and not really my personal
opinion” The blonde replies “Im not talking to you,I’m talking
to that little fella on your lap.”