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Man’s best friend.

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Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn’t touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.

Bartender: “Hey pal, is something wrong?”
The Guy: “Yeah, I’m really depressed”

Bartender: “Why, what’s the matter?”
The Guy: “I caught my wife in bed with my best friend”

Bartender: “Wow, that’s horrible. What did you do?”
The Guy: “I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it’s over”

Bartender: “That’s pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?”

The Guy: “I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!”

Ducks of Orgin

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A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to ‘enforce the laws pending.’ He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, ‘Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?’The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck’s rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, ‘This here’s a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?’The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird’s rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, ‘This here’s an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?’The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, ‘This here’s an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?’Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, ‘You’ve got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?’The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said ‘You’re so smart, YOU tell ME!’

Sniffer Dog

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A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.The airline rep said “Don’t mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I’ll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work.”The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search.”The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler’s arm.He says “Good boy.” He turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.””Fantastic!” replies the first man.Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler’s arm.The airline rep says, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of this, and the seat number.””I like it!” says the first man.Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and craps all over the place.The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks “What is going on?”The handler nervously replies “He just found a bomb!”

Un matrimonio de rancheros, se

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Un matrimonio de rancheros, se dirig�an a la capital, pero en el cami�n no aceptaban animales y llevaban un zorrillo que les hab�an encargado. Entonces, al ranchero se le ocurre una idea…

“�Sabes qu� vieja?

“�Qu� viejo?”

“�Pos que te vas a esconder el zorrillo ai merito!”

“�Ai merito d�nde viejo?”

“�Pos ai merito bajo las enaguas… entre las piernas!”

“�Ay viejo…! �Y el apeste…?

“�Pos ni modo vieja… que se chingue el zorrillo!”